Hyperactive Hands

I promised cute kid pictures...

2008-09-25T12:12:00.002-04:00

... and I don't want to disappoint! Blue is one year old now, and she is modeling her big girl jammies.

Moments of Clarity

2008-09-24T11:48:00.002-04:00

Sometimes it takes a long long time and a lot of crappy stuff happening to help you make important decisions.

Sometimes you need to have lost all faith in yourself and your ability to make decisions for you to be able to see what you need to do next.

Sometimes you need to be patient, so your next move will be revealed, so to speak, rather than being a decision that you make.

I'm going to do a teacher training course in yoga. I want to be a certified yoga instructor. I am shooting to start in January. I need to decide exactly where, and to do that, I need to review programs. But, I absolutely need to do it.

My life has become unrecognizable to me. The only consistent thing in my life between August 2007 and August 2008 was my husband. EVERYTHING else changed. Such a huge part of my wellbeing was tied to my regular yoga practice. One of my favorite things in the world is going out to dinner, but if dinner plans would conflict with a yoga class, I would skip going out to eat to go to yoga. In my past life, I let almost nothing get in the way of going to yoga.

For the past year, I haven't practiced yoga. I am not very disciplined, and I really depended on classes. I haven't known where to go around here, nor have I felt like we had the $$ for me to take classes. I've felt like I've been at the end of my rope A LOT in the past couple of months, and suddenly I have realized that going back to yoga is the key to feeling better again.

I thought I would just go back to taking classes. Then, on the way back from my Grandfather's funeral, my sister Cat was talking about needing exercise and all the tension she had. I evangelized about yoga like Sarah Palin does about drilling for oil. I wanted to get down on the floor and start teaching her positions and help her find her tense spots and share everything I've learned about the benefits of yoga on mind, body, and soul. I didn't, because we were in the car, but I think I was pretty convincing.

I know that my future life is not going to include one 8-5 job that pays for everything. I'm going to make a crazy patchwork of a living that involves a lot of independent sources of income. I'm going to have a creative career, and one part of it will be teaching yoga.

So, yeah. That's one piece figured out. Namaste.

Another Farewell

2008-09-11T11:19:00.003-04:00

I went AWOL there for a few weeks. My Grandfather finally passed away on September 3rd, after more than 5 years, multiple heart attacks, a stroke, colon cancer, a broken hip and replacement this summer and, finally, a drug-reisistant staph infection that he never did shake. I've talked about his health and some of the difficulties he's had in the past, and it was a relief to me that he was finally at peace.

It was a sad trip to New Jersey, but honestly, he looked far better at the viewing than he had in years. In fact, I couldn't help but smile every time I looked at him, because all I could think was that he finally had his dignity back. He was given a very dignified service and memorial, and because he had served in the Navy in WWII, he had the flag-draped casket. Two Naval men in dress uniforms played taps, performed the flag folding ceremony and presented the flag to my grandmother. I'd never been at a military burial before, and the ceremony was so reverent and respectful- it was really beautiful. The two gentlemen who attended my grandfather's cemetary service were amazing, and I'm so grateful to them for how genuine they were while thanking my grandmother for Grandpa's service to his country.

I also enjoyed meeting my Dad's cousins, partly because that generation seems to have avoided The Crazy that my grandparents and their siblings had, and partly because it was so good to hear their fond memories of Grandpa. He was extremely cranky in his last decade or so. It was nice to remember what a friendly and generous uncle (and grandfather) he was in the past. I think every single one of my Dad's cousins said he was their favorite uncle. He was always out in the yard, on the roof, or tinkering with something. Everyone had stories of him helping with their bicycles as kids, and later, their cars. I think that's why he might have been cranky later in life- he never really recovered enough from that first heart attack to be as active as he liked.

One of the saddest parts for me was that the funeral was on Blue's first birthday. My baby girl turned one on the 9th, and, unfortunately, I wasn't there. I'm so glad I went out for Grandpa's funeral, though. It was good for all of us to be there. I'll post again soon with cute kid pictures.

I think my Great-Aunt Mary said it best on Sunday (she'll be 99 in December, and she's starting to get a little confused, which is sad), "Hug and kiss, hug and kiss. Time is short."

The Christmas Kitty

2008-08-25T12:38:00.004-04:00

I found this old picture of Kouros after he had gotten rid of the fleas and upper respiratory problems he had when we found him. He was our Christmas present that year. This was one of the few times he wasn't trying to climb the tree...

I've been knitting and making jewelry a lot lately, and it's helped me through the sadness. I do have a pang when I realize he isn't going to come try to chew on the yarn or chase beads around. He would explore whatever I was working with, and then he'd settle in and just watch what I was doing. He was a great companion while I was creating. It didn't work with painting, though. The fur flying through the air was a problem.

I used to try to draw Kouros, and they never turned out very well. He needed to be drawn from pictures, because he was always moving. He made it into my September art project from 2006, here and here.

Moving On

2008-08-23T10:57:00.003-04:00

I miss my furry little guy. He was our cat, Carl's and mine, and one of the sad things about losing him is that we've lost a bit of life from when it was just the two of us. It's getting better, and I look forward to the day when I don't cry when I talk about losing Kouros. I may be using this space to do some mourning. It's a good place to escape my everyday life and work through it. Just to warn you.

It's good to have this face to ease the pain...

With a heavy heart...

2008-08-21T09:25:00.004-04:00

We had to put Kouros down yesterday. His bladder wasn't getting its tone back, and was filling up again. We could have tried to catheterize him again, keep his bladder small for several days and see, but even then, his prognosis wasn't good. Rather than cause him further pain, we chose to let him go. We held him and cuddled him, and he was purring when he went. We miss him so much already, but it was the right thing to do.

The vet was wonderful to him and to us. I think I caught her right after he had bitten her (and drew blood) when I spoke with her the day before. He had not bitten anyone since he had been on his prozac. He was in pain. She said this had been building up for a while, so I don't feel *quite* so guilty. I'm just sad for the loss of my furry baby. He snuggled and loved us for giving him a home. He kept SVH company when he was out of work a few years ago. He comforted me when I miscarried. He was a loving companion, and we'll miss him terribly.

I was trying to think of a fitting tribute to him, but I didn't really feel like chewing through any of my knitting, or knocking a glass to the floor so it smashed and watching the water run. I'll just put up a picture of him doing one of his other favorite things- sitting on cardboard.

Kouros, Keeper of the Pizza Summer 2004-August 20, 2008

2008-08-20T15:56:00.004-04:00

Kouros is having some urinary tract problems. He's at the vet's, and has been since yesterday morning. I feel so badly, because I think this particular bout came on because we ran out of the prescription food he was on and we were worried about money and we gave him something cheaper for a couple of weeks until we had a check come through. I knew better... I KNEW better... so I suppose I deserved the accusatory tone the vet used last night giving me the update, but it didn't make it any easier to take. She wasn't very nice to me.

I just haven't known what to do about Kouros, and this situation is bringing it all to a head. I never wrote about the aggression problems we were having with him last year. He would bite and draw blood, sometimes unprovoked. He would jump at you and continue to jump until you picked him up and locked him away. It started when we moved into our second apartment in Geneva, and I'm not sure why that seemed to be the trigger. He had other problems, too. He would dig in his water. He was mounting blankets and stuffed animals. He woke us up numerous times a night. I took him down to the Animal Behavior Clinic at Cornell, and they put him on kitty prozac. It worked beautifully. He settled down, we weren't bitten any longer, and all of the other problems went away. I taught him to sit and get up and down from things on command. It helped to let him know I was the boss.

Now we have Blue. She's in his territory all the time. I NEVER leave them together unattended. In fact, I rarely even allow him to be out in the same area as she is when I'm right there. He's been good for the most part. He nipped at her when she grabbed his paw and pulled it through the pet gate. He seems to hold back with her, but given how hard I know he can bite, I can't let my guard down at all. Keeping them apart has worked so far since the in-laws' house is pretty big, but how will it work when we're back in a small apartment? (I won't even hazard a guess as to when that will happen anymore)

The Animal Behavior Clinic gave him a poor prognosis. I think if he has to ever go off the prozac, we definitely won't be able to keep him. They said he has no fear. It's true- biting is a pretty confident behavior. He has never used his claws on a person for all the years we've had him. He only bit, but it was hard, either breaking the skin, or ripping fabric. Once he bit me through my jeans and left a bruise. Most people would probably have put him down. He's not exactly a very adoptable cat- he's on prozac AND prescription food. He's still sweet, and he's quite the hunter (he caught a mouse and a chipmunk that had gotten in the basement), but he's unpredictable. I can't let him spend too much time near my girl. I don't even know what to do when we're in the position to have babysitters come to watch Blue. He's a liability.

And none of that changes the fact that right now, he's at the vet, possibly obstructed, because he's moved down our financial priority list. I feel so terrible.

More Olympic Gold

2008-08-11T15:01:00.002-04:00

Dude... after my last rant about the 12-year-old gymnasts (I know, they're not ACTUALLY 12... I'm old, so they look 12), did you see the 33-year-old gymnast from Germany? Was that not the coolest thing ever? She totally rocked the vault! She was in spectacular shape! And did you see her story? Her name is Oksana Chusovitina, and she was in the 1992 Olympics for the Unified team (former Soviet Union). Her son has leukemia, and a friend in Germany got her to come train in Germany, where her son could get treatment. Her son is in remission, and she's become a German citizen. This is her FIFTH Olympics! And she's a gymnast!

So cool.

Five colored rings

2008-08-09T15:53:00.004-04:00

Did you watch the opening ceremony of the Olympics last night? I did. After having been too cool for the Olympics since they were in Atlanta in 1996, I'm excited about them again. The dancers painting the giant scroll gave me goosebumps, and I loved the drummers. I thought the sea of people in white doing tai chi was stunning. The way the torch was lit with the gymnast running along the inside of the stadium was spectacular. I was touched by the tiny little earthquake survivor waving his little flags and marching in next to Yao Ming and his giant flag. I stayed up late to see it all.

Why was I against them for those years? I think I was busy being cynical or something... angst was the emotion of the 90s after all. Was it the McDonalds commercials? The Coca-Cola commercials? All these companies peddling unhealthy food in connection with an athletic event? Or how about the medal counts on the news every night? Then there was the whole IOC bribery scandal during the 2002 Winter Games. That didn't help my cynicism. Or was it the fact that there have been so many instances of Olympic Athletes testing positive for various performance enhancing drugs? Or the fact that the gymnasts all look 12 years old, and I'm not sure how I feel about children giving up their youth to train so hard?

I wonder why I'm excited at these games. Why not Athens? The Olympic stadium for the 2004 Olympics had just been finished when I was there for my study abroad program in 1998. Our friends who ran the Marathon finished in the stadium. The subway was being built while I was there-I seem to remember a newspaper kiosk disappearing as a newly dug tunnel collapsed into a building from a previous millennium. We visited Olympia while we were there. Greece and Athens have such significance for the Sleepy-Voiced Husband and me. Why didn't I get over myself then?

As someone who gets so indignant at the trampling of human rights, how is it that I'm not feeling I need to protest these games in a country with such a wretched human rights track record? There has been so much bad news coming out of China in the past year... lead paint in toys and cardboard in food. Or the American man who was murdered (CEO of Bachman's Floral in the Twin Cities).How is it I'm not busy ranting about all of the things that are wrong with China?

How is it that I can edit out all those things that have bothered me in the past?

I think I'm feeling the spirit of the games; the chance to put aside the disagreements, and even violent conflict, to meet as humans and enjoy friendly competition and camaraderie. Maybe a few wars later, I want to see something peaceful. I want to see positive relations between my country and the rest of the world. Maybe it's because I'm a mother now, and I want to see the positive aspects of the world in which I'm raising my daughter. I want to see the joy of physical activity in a country in which we face such morbid obesity. I want to see something we can appreciate as a family. I want to see something beautiful and inspiring.

I'm sure I'll go back to all of my causes and righteous indignation later, but for now, I just want to feel the hope and excitement of the games.

A break from cover letter writing....

2008-07-21T16:37:00.002-04:00

Can't get enough of that face...

Funk

2008-07-03T10:56:00.009-04:00

Not an hour after I posted my last entry, I got the call that I didn't get the job. I'm pleased to have gotten an interview, and in all honesty, this wasn't what I wanted to do for my whole life, but it was the chance to move on. We're still in the in-laws' basement. I said I wanted to be out by June, and here it is, July, with no prospect of moving in the near future. I work for an apartment management company, for chrissakes; I know how much we need to be making to be approved to have our own place, and we're no where near that. Where did my independent life go? The one where we had our own house, and our own life, and I could have an off-day unobserved. I was bored with my job in NY, and we were so ready to move to MN, but I've been getting a little nostalgic for my old existence. Things like cookbooks we used to use when we were grown-ups and cooked our own meals have been setting me off. This simply isn't the life we were moving back for.

Here's the back of my flutter sleeve cardigan. The yarn (Knitting Fever InterMezzo DK) knits up beautifully. I'm really pleased with how it looks. I've started the left front side. My original plan was to have it finished to wear to the opening of our new building at the main apartment complex where I work. It opened July 1st. One more goal I didn't make.

Blue is magnificent. She's climbing stairs, walking behind rolling toys and the occasional ottoman, and she's making all sorts of new sounds. She still hasn't gotten any teeth yet, but she's still working on them. How barbaric is teething!? She's the best thing her Daddy and I have in common, and after 9 years of marriage, we have a hell of a lot in common! We're both so totally smitten with her. I just wish we weren't starting her life behind the 8-ball here.

So I guess you can see I'm having a little trouble getting out of this great purple funk (I know, usually it's a blue funk, but this one's a little deeper). I'm getting some help, and I know intellectually that this can't last forever, but I can't see a way out right now. SVH actually started laughing yesterday when I was talking about it- he said, "But honey, you sound like me!" I'm usually the cheerleader, and I mean the things I say, but what I would nornally say to him to help just sounds empty. Anyhoo. Things are bound to get better, right?

2008-06-20T08:38:00.005-04:00

A month. OVER a month. How much space do I use in this blog lamenting how much time I take between posts?

What has happened over the month? I had a job interview yesterday! At my alma mater, even. I wouldn't be making as much money as I could, but it's got full benefits and the opportunity to take art classes, I'd be working with an Arboretum, and if I worked there for the next 18 years, Blue could have free tuition (talk about long-term goals). Keep your fingers crossed.

I've finished the back of the flutter sleeve cardigan from the spring 2008 Interweave Knits! I did most of my knitting on it in the car while SVH was driving and Blue was safely buckled into her carseat. The price of gas may be ridiculously high, but sometimes it's worth it to spend time with my old hobby. Maybe I'll get some pictures up here, but I'm not promising anything, what with my recent track record.

Blue is emptying the cabinets of cookie sheets and tupperware. I'd better be off.

Hallelujah!

2008-05-14T08:44:00.002-04:00

Blue finally slept through the night! It was the first uninterrupted night of sleep I've had in just over 8 months. I'm so proud of her and I'm so happy for me. In fact, she's still asleep! I might even get a shower in real quick...

Happy Mother's Day!

2008-05-11T21:08:00.004-04:00

For my first Mother's Day, we had a lovely breakfast with SVH's parents and grandmother, I got a box of chocolates, a Caribou Coffee gift card, the sweetest card from Blue (as dictated to Daddy) and a card from my nieces and nephew. I got some time to knit, some time to play on Ravelry, some time to post here, and a few games of Bocce in the backyard. All in all, a very good day.

Happy Mother's Day to all of you out there! It is an honor to join your ranks.

Unfinished Business

2008-05-03T19:05:00.005-04:00

I am behind in my Lime and Violet listening, so I only just heard the New Year's Episode in with the Finishalongapalooza was announced. I checked the boards on Ravelry, and it doesn't look like people are keeping up on it too much right now. Still, it's just what I need. So, here is my list of projects on the needles and the plan for them.

Enid - nearly to the armholes! I hope to have this sweater done for this winter.

When will I go into Labor Coasters - I got 3 done, and I'm thinking I'll make a set of 6. So I'm half done. They're an easy quick project. I'd have finished all 6 of them if my IV in the labor room hadn't been in my wrist.

Baby Kimono from Mason-Dixon Knitting - Started it in Moda Dea Dream, decided Blue would end up eating and inhaling fuzz, so I frogged it.

Fetching - I have one done and the cuff of the second started.

Rainy Day Socks - I picked it up again. I'm half way down the first leg. Slow progress, but progress none the less.

My So-Called Scarf - Old project, knit too tightly. I frogged it and the yarn (Lion Brand Landscapes) is now ready to be knit again. I'll probably do this scarf again with larger needles.

Tempting - Remember when I said I was going to frog it? I still haven't. In my mind and heart, it's frogged. I simply haven't physically pulled out the yarn. I need to get on that.

So, there you have it. I'm currently working on Enid and the Rainy Day Socks. And I might have cast on for a felted coffee cup sleeve. That'll be done in about 5 minutes.

I've been writing this post for 3 days now, so I'm not going to put in pictures. Check out the pictures in Ravelry- I'm HyperactiveHands there!

Blue was strongly influenced by Ferris Bueller

Jobs, jobs everywhere

2008-04-29T22:38:00.006-04:00

I've been working a lot. What? I didn't tell you about my job? I'm a VERY part-time leasing agent for an apartment management company. Very different from what I've done in my past. It's nice to dress up a bit and talk to adults for a few hours evere couple of weekends, though.

Today and yesterday, I did a lot of marketing and outreach. I took information and candy around to a bunch of businesses in the area. This was SO far outside of my comfort zone. I learned a lot, but I'm so much happier being at one of the properties where interested people come to me rather than barging into a car dealership and asking if they know where apartment complex X is located and would they pass the word on to any of their employees who may be in the market for a new apartment. I walked out of most of them saying to myself as I left, "God, I am such a TOOL!" It's good for me to learn these skills, I know. I want to be a working artist someday and I'll need to get exposure. I used to be one of those people who feared public speaking more than death, and I spent a year doing Toastmasters to get over myself. What I'm doing now will only make future representation easier. Still, I'm glad I'm done with that part of my job for a while.

SVH got a part-time job, too. He's a contract copy editor for a publishing company or something like that. A friend of ours from college works for said publishing company in Manhattan and has a certain number of these contract editors working under him, and HOORAY, now my husband is one of them. We are really excited and hope that this will lead to further opportunities in this area. SVH is an independent soul, and the more control he has over his working hours and conditions, the happier he'll be.

Blue has become enamoured with her tongue. This is her near-constant expression these days.

I an such a lucky mother to have such a happy baby!

Next episode: The Spring Cleaning Knitting Project List... stay tuned!

Happy days

2008-04-21T10:50:00.007-04:00

My new nephew, Charlie, was born yesterday afternoon! He's named for his grandfathers, but it just so happens that his other grandfather's first name is the same as my father-in-law's middle name, so he actually has the same first and middle name as my f-i-l. Grandpa Charlie is awfully proud. There were many tears around this house. My mother-in-law flew out of Minnesota yesterday morning and arrived at the hospital (in North Carolina) as the baby was crowning. It was a very exciting day. Little Charlie is a big boy- 10 lbs 4 oz, and 22 inches long! I don't know when I'll get to meet him, but I'm eagerly awaiting pictures of Blue's younger cousin!

Speaking of good days, Hesira gave me a You Made My Day Award, and I need to pass on the award to 10 of my favorite bloggy friends. So here they are, in no particular order:

Beesknees - For starting a blog and sharing her lovely poetry

Valkyrie - For finishing the Mommy Snug. I always thought I'd knit one, but I was showing from April through September... not sweater weather.

Amanda - For showing me green grass and blue skies in April. We just got rid of our snow.

Cari - For weathering adversity in the creative world, and continuing to write.

Evil Science Chick - For pointing me to this. I'm still chuckling.

April - For knitting such a beautiful and thoughtful gift for her grandma

Alcariel - For her obsessive hobbies. I'm a kindred spirit.

Cara - For her fantastically gorgeous baby girl who I only finally read about last week! I get so behind on my blogreading these days~

Faith - Her writing always makes my day.

Minnie - For being Adminnie of the Wilds on KnitWars, AND being 197th level at that. Damn, woman!

Just for fun, you should also check out Moonstitches. Mangetsu posts amazing, inspiring photographs.

Guess who crawls these days?

New nephew on the way!!

2008-04-20T15:00:00.002-04:00

Did I mention that the Sleepy-Voiced Sister is having a baby? I'm sure I must have. Well, she's at the hospital, my mother-in-law is in the air on her way there, and for all I know the baby has already been born! Woo hoo!

Little Blue is going to have to be a tomboy. We know 11 babies born or coming between January and October of this year. One, we don't know the sex yet. My cousin is having a girl in May. Otherwise, they're all boys. If Blue wants girls for friends, she's going to have to find them herself, because all the friends we've made for her are boys.

Incidentally, the January boy? He was born to my friend Berit, the woman who taught me to knit. He was the new year's baby for Norway. Pretty cool, huh?

Another Pink Ribbon

2008-04-02T16:21:00.002-04:00

Back in my old life, when I didn't share a computer with 4 other adults- one being a student, another being a serious job hunter and the other two being the ones who own the computer and pay for the internet access- I had the breast cancer site as my homepage. Every morning when I arrived at work, I clicked the button.

Now I don't use the computer quite so often (and I miss you guys so much!). I kind of feel like I'm the low man on the totem pole as far as my need for internet access. My free time is a bit limited, too, being the main caretaker of a little one about to start crawling! So I've lagged behind in my clicking for mammograms.

Last week, a school friend from my hometown had a double mastectomy. She can't be more than 34 years old, and was just married last November. She had cancer in both breasts. The good news is, she's cancer free now! They got it all.

It reminded me of the importance of early detection. It also reminded me of how cool these internets can be, since Jill has a care page where people who haven't seen her in 10 years (like me) can drop her a line and let her know they're thinking of her. Sometimes technology is really really good.

Please click here to help fund free mammograms, in honor of a very young and brave woman.

Six Months Old!

2008-03-10T10:17:00.001-04:00

A little parental affirmation

2008-02-25T14:47:00.004-05:00

Spoke too soon about Blue not getting sick. Yesterday was terrible. I have never felt so bad for another person. Her poor eyes were all red and runny, her nose was red and she couldn't breathe through it, and she just moaned and fussed constantly. Poor little thing- it broke my heart! I'm glad to be through it.

The turning point yesterday evening was her bath. She loves bathing and once she got in the tub, she seemed to improve steadily. I'm so glad we have that... no matter how rough a day we have had, once she gets in the tub, she always feels better. We started bathing Blue at night as part of a bedtime routine since we brought her home from the hospital, and I think having that as a constant has been so good for all of us. It's nice, at a time when you're feeling a little frayed and tired, to see your efforts pay off. Last night, I think we were all about ready to cry in relief when we saw how much better she felt after her bath. So rewarding.

You got a title?

2008-02-23T10:57:00.002-05:00

Last weekend I turned 33, and I showed my work in an art show at church. It was wonderful to be around art and see what other people were doing, and remind myself of what I had been doing. There were people there with note cards and prints for sale and other such things, but I was there simply to get out there and participate. It was good.

This weekend, I am recovering from the creeping death influenza that Typhoid Gabby brought over here. I'm actually much better, but yesterday I wasn't sure I would survive. Of course, the night before, Blue decided to get up every 2 hours until 4am, after which time she got up every hour. It was painful, but we're all here on the other side. Fortunately, Blue is nursing, so she's getting my antibodies and not getting this awful stuff.

I will write much more thoughtful entries when I have fully recovered. Until I do, you can go over to a new blog that my friend just started. She's the BeesKnees on Ravelry, too. She's writing much more insightful stuff than I'm capable of at the moment. Must go. Blue is rolling all over the place these days... nothing is safe.

From the mouths of babes...

2008-02-08T15:29:00.000-05:00

I hate to be quiet for so long after a negative post. I feel like I should always leave things on a positive note, you know? Well, I'm feeling much better, although Blue is not sleeping much from 6am on, and that's after her regular 2 feedings in the night, so I'm pretty tired. Phases don't last long at this age, so hopefully this one won't, either.

The other night we took my 6-year-old niece Emily to dinner. We gave each of the kids dinner and dessert out alone with Sleepy-Voiced Husband and myself (and Blue, of course). SVH came up with a simple game to play with the girls, where he asks a question, like "Would you rather be Batman or Superman, and why?" and they get to give us their answers. They love it, and this was all Emily wanted to do during dinner. It was hilarious. This was by far my favorite exchange:

"Would you rather keep the ring, or throw it into Mount Doom?"
[that's a Lord of the Rings question, just in case you weren't familiar with it... but
then again you're reading a blog... you're already a little nerdy, so you probably know LOTR well]

"I would keep it."
"But then you'd become the
next dark lord."
"Oh... then I'd throw it into Mountain Dew."

The Ups and Downs...

2008-01-29T16:21:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, Blue had her 4 month checkup. She got her shots, and she's healthy and growing. Then, I took Blue to Early Childhood and Family Education. We went to the mixed-age lunch bunch class (the infant class was canceled), and she was the youngest. She watched all the other little kids, ranging in age from 10 months to 2 1/2 years, and seemed to enjoy the interaction. Everyone thought she was beautiful. I got her signed up for Dolly Parton's Imagination Library (fantastic program, if you have it in your area!). I met some other stay at home mothers and found out about a stay at home mothers club that has activities every week. I checked out some of the parenting literature ECFE has to offer. I felt like SuperMom.

Today, I got out of the shower at 1:30. I could not get Blue to nap anywhere but in my arms. Each time I tried to put her in bed, she woke up immediately and cried. She wanted to suck her thumb rather than eat. I didn't get the bed made until just before the Nieces came home from school. I feel like I am doing nothing, and doing nothing well.

*Sigh*

Cabin Fever

2008-01-26T11:22:00.000-05:00

It was ridiculously cold earlier this week. Several days it didn't get above zero. I didn't leave the house for 3 days because it seemed like it was too cold for a casual trip with the baby. But on Thursday, we left the house, cold weather be damned!

I went to the mall. I know, the mall. But they have lovely family bathrooms and nursing rooms with gliders and ottomans! It makes it so convenient to go out with an infant.

Anyway, I was positively giddy! I was as manic as Britney Spears! I saw people! I walked around! And I got a pair of sassy pants and a completely impractical satin shirt, all on sale big time. It made me feel so good. Blue thought it was hilarious the way my head would pop out of the neck of whatever top I tried on. A good time was had by all.

I also had a big pretzel.

It's good to get out.

Why are all the neighborhood dogs barking?

2008-01-22T15:37:00.000-05:00

Blue has discovered a new vocal range. It's just a touch lower in pitch than those dog whistles, so we humans get to enjoy it, too. She's been using it whenever she's not absolutely perfectly happy. My right ear is ringing right now from the last 20 minutes of her listing her discontents. That, and sometimes she's enjoyed experimenting with it when she's happy, too.

All phases go quickly at this age... here's hoping this one will do the same...

Toast me with an advil, won't you?

Hotdish

2008-01-14T21:32:00.000-05:00

Most places it's called a casserole. This is one of the ways I know I'm back in the Midwest...

tonight- we had hotdish. Tater-tot hotdish, to be exact.

I haven't been much of a fan of the hotdish, because they're so often composed mostly of ground beef and cream of mushroom soup. Sometimes they have cheese, or green beans, or noodles, but they ALWAYS have ground beef and cream of mushroom soup. I grew up with a lot of ground beef, and I think I grew tired of it.

The hotdish has been the one yankification of my southern mother. When Blue was born, she came out and made us several different casseroles, one of which was tater-tot hotdish. The other had chicken, broccoli, rice and cheese. And there was a pan of lasagna, too.

Mmmmm... lasagna. It can have ground beef in it and it's served in a casserole dish, but it is most definitely NOT a hotdish. Too fancy. Midwestern hotdishes are humble. You find prime examples of hotdish in the basements of Lutheran churches in Minnesota. Just as Garrison Keillor.

Tonight's hotdish was pretty good. I'm not usually a tater-tot hotdish fan... but since I've become a mother, I love anything I haven't cooked myself.

I may not cook it for myself in the future, but for now, I eat hotdish. Because I am home.

A belated happy new year!

2008-01-09T11:45:00.000-05:00

So behind... so behind. I finally caught up on reading what all of you have been up to since September. Now I can keep up with my imaginary friends on a more regular basis. The 40+ posts that would come up in my bloglines was a little intimidating...
Last year my new year's resolutions were
1. Have a baby
2. Move back to Minnesota
3. Continue to not smoke*
4. Knit the Enid Cardigan

I accomplished 1-3, and failed miserably on 4. Who knew knitting would make me nauseous in my first trimester? I did eventually cast on, and I've got a sassy 4 inch band knitted so far. I think Enid will make my 2008 list of resolutions, too. Which leads me to...

2008 New Year's Resolutions
1. Be the best mother I know how to be to my little Blue
2. Move out of the in-laws' basement (by June at the absolute latest!)
3. Continue not to smoke*
4. Finish the Enid Cardigan
5. Work on my photography

So that was purely for me... you don't care, but it helps me to have it written down someplace, especially someplace public so I feel a little pressure. Good pressure. You know, like a massage.

Guess what else!? Little Cindy Lou Blue is 4 months old today!

*3 years ago on New Year's Eve I nearly set my head on fire having a casual party cigarette. I had a lock of hair that stood straight up for about 4 months while it grew back. I took it as a sign that even the casual party cigarette isn't for me any longer.

Remember Kouros?

2007-12-17T15:39:00.000-05:00

The other day my niece Emily greeted me at her dance class with, "I had a dream about Kouros last night!"

"You did?" I replied.

"Uh huh, and he stapled all my stuffed kitties to the sofa. And a bottle of shampoo."

This is why I don't bring him over to their house. Bad cat.

On taking time for myself

2007-12-08T13:15:00.000-05:00

I went to a knitting group on Wednesday night!

I had knit all of 2 rounds on Enid since my girl Blue arrived, but I jumped back in the saddle again.

I had a BLAST!

See, it's hard to get time to do things for yourself when you have an infant. I'm not one of those women who will only spend money on her children. I'll always need a few treats and toys. And I'm not a martyr, either. I know I need to do certain things for myself or else I'll be unpleasant. But time is short when babies are small. I love my girl with all my heart, and I love doing things with her and for her. Time can fly so fast in this stage that days can pass without my leaving the house. I've realized that even while I'm not feeling any neglect, I still need some time for myself.

I have to make an effort to notice when it's time for me, because I'm so busy with my girl and I enjoy her so much. But I did give it a try this week. It was so much fun! I'm going to have to do it more often! A happy Mom makes for a happy baby... and a happy Daddy.

Little Blue Eyes turns 3 months old tomorrow!

A month and 6 weeks

2007-10-22T21:11:00.000-04:00

Hi! Remember me? I've had a bit of a hiatus. Actually, I was going to take a week or so off to move, and then catch up again, but I blinked and suddenly I've been back in Minnesota for 3 weeks. What's even more crazy is that our little Blue is already 6 weeks old! And for continuing to come here even though I've given you zilch for a month, you get a cute baby picture...

She looks very solemn here, but in her everyday life, she's been smiling and cooing and generally adorable. She's met all of her cousins, all of her Aunts and Uncles except for the Sleepy-Voiced Sister (who's having a baby in April!!!) and her husband, all of her Grandparents and 4 of her 6 Great-Grandparents.

She's growing like a weed, and I'm just trying to enjoy it all. She's already outgrown her newborn clothes- you know, the clothes she's been wearing since she was born? The only clothes I've known her in? Yeah, it was oddly sad when I realized she wouldn't be wearing those things anymore. I'm not one to try to hold kids back, but I got a little lump in my throat when I realized how much she'd grown and changed. But mostly, I'm fiercely proud of how she's thriving.

As for other endeavors in my life, there haven't been any. I've mostly tried to get us settled in our temporary home and been on call to feed the girl. I haven't knitted a stitch (you were right, Jenny), painted or sketched. I have been taking pictures, though, as most new parents do, so it's giving me a creative outlet for the time being. Maybe I can get a job in photography...

I'm really trying to get online and update more often, but our computer in the basement isn't hooked up to the internet, and there are a number of people wanting to use the family computer around here. I'll do my best, though, because I miss all my imaginary friends!

Speaking of imaginary friends, I just picked up Crazy Aunt Purl's book! SO EXCITED! I haven't read any blogs since Blue was born, and this is like a little taste of my former life.

Must go- Blue needs to eat. It's been wonderful staying with SVH's family, because there are so many people who want to hold the baby. But I'm still the only one who can feed her...

This Mommy Gig

2007-09-24T13:35:00.000-04:00

Man, is it tough! I'm exhausted! But then, it's worth it for this little face...

My girl Blue is a beautiful child, if I do say so myself. She's also gassy. We're working hard to get her to latch properly so she doesn't click and draw in extra air while she nurses. Fortunately, in the 2 short weeks of her life, her digestive system has begun to catch up and learn to process the gas better. Now she grunts and windmills those arms and makes MANY very un-ladylike sounds to get rid of it, but at least she doesn't scream all night because of it. She also smiles a lot to herself in her sleep because of it, and I know it's not a smile with all the meaning behind your typical smile, but it's still the prettiest thing I've ever seen.

Since we're totally sleep deprived and still trying to figure the girl out, of course we're moving to MN on Saturday. Yes. We are insane. The packing has been going ok- mostly because we did a lot while I was still pregnant. My friend Nicole came over yesterday and was the little Packing Nazi that I knew she'd be. She got a lot of my kitchen loaded up. Carl did tons of packing, too. I did one box while Miss Blue had a brief nap.

We also had our going away party yesterday. Just a note for any of you thinking of doing this- try not to move from someplace you've lived for 8 years where you've made fantastic friends while you're post-partum. It'll cut down on the tears. This week of saying goodbye is not easy, but the party helped us feel like we were getting on with it. I'll be glad when we're all safely loaded into my in-laws' basement. Then it'll all be done and we can take a moment to recover before job hunting and house/apartment hunting in the Twin Cities. Yay!

So, I may not be around much in the next week or so. I'm sure you understand. I'm making all my big life changes at once. Thank you all for your lovely notes about our girl. We're crazy about her- even at 4 am.

Oh, indulge me! Just one more!

At long last...

2007-09-14T14:40:00.000-04:00

Here she is!

This is the first picture of my girl Blue, only minutes old. Of course that isn't her real name, but we're not going to put that out over the whole internets... you understand.
Here are the vitals:
Date of birth: Sunday, September 9, 2007 at 2:32 am
Weight: 7 lbs 15 oz
Length: 21 inches

And she's absolutely perfect. We're crazy in love.

2007-09-06T20:01:00.000-04:00

I'm home. No baby, despite 9 hours of pitocin and contractions. We'll try again this weekend.

At this point, it's becoming really funny. Almost.

Actually, we're fine, just a little frustrated. It obviously wasn't time. The baby is still very active and healthy, and that's the most important thing. Keep your fingers crossed for Saturday!

Maybe I'll post more fake labor pictures.

P.S. No knitting coasters with an IV in my wrist. Bummer.

With a little help from pitocin...

2007-09-05T15:41:00.000-04:00

Hi, going to be induced tomorrow morning. I have done just about everything I can to try to get this baby to come naturally, but it's not working, so I took today off to hydrate and rest up for the athletics tomorrow.

I'm on my 3rd coaster, by the way. If I get around to it, I'll post pictures of the different fabric produced by the two sizes of needles. Ta ta!

This was me in pretend labor last Friday... is it just me or does it look like I'm picking a serious wedgie?

The "When Will I Go Into Labor?" Coaster #1

2007-09-01T20:01:00.000-04:00

Pattern: It's So Mod from Knitty Gritty
Yarn: Brown Sheep Cotton Fleece in Putty
Needle: Knit Picks Options Circular US 8

Super simple! I'm going to try the next on a US 7 to see if I prefer a denser fabric. I wonder how many I'll have before I have the baby...

Another near miss

2007-09-01T09:03:00.000-04:00

Yesterday after my appointment with the doctor, she sent me to labor and delivery because I was having contractions (although not painful ones), I was about halfway effaced, dilating, and the child was definitely in position. I was monitored, I walked for an hour, they checked me and sent me home.

So disappointing.

It's going to happen soon, and they all expect me to go on my own this weekend. But man, to be in the room (where, incidentally, I left my toothbrush... I know, there for all of two hours and I managed to leave my toothbrush... my teeth just felt gross) and thinking this might be it and then to realize it isn't kind of sucks. I got to eat, though, so that's always good. And I slept like a log last night, so that's good, too.

Today? Mission: Labor.

Just like my library books...

2007-08-31T07:48:00.000-04:00

I'm overdue. But here's a fun due date picture anyway... big old low-slung belly and all.
Hopefully the next picture I post I'll be HOLDING the baby...

Thwarted

2007-08-30T09:33:00.000-04:00

So my first try to get labor going- take all the trash out to the dumpsters at work. It was all on a cart, so I wasn't making multiple trips or anything. Of course, two lovely helpful people came out of the greenhouse (glass houses means they can see you, damn it) to lift it all into the dumpster for me. I explained that I'm due today and I really WANT to go into labor, but there was no stopping them and their generous, helpful spirits.
Oh, bless their meddling little hearts.

Kouros Meets Chicken

2007-08-29T17:49:00.000-04:00

Chicken is one of our landlord's cats. She's been living at their other place for the past couple of years, so Kouros has been the only cat at this residence. Now, Stan is back with 3 cats and Kouros had an encounter with Chicken at the screen door. I think it was the first time he's been close to another cat since we got him 2 1/2 years ago. He got himself all revved up to a yowl and then hissed! We've never heard him hiss before.

The funny thing is, Chicken is 20 years old. She's the Grand Dame of cats, moving slowly and not being phased by much. Kouros stopped hissing and yowling... he still had to prove himself with a couple of loud meows, at which she didn't even blink. After a while she left the screen door and settled herself down in the corner on the porch, and Kouros stood guard.

He's such an intimidating guard cat

No baby yet

2007-08-28T16:46:00.000-04:00

Hello Loves.

My due date is quickly approaching (Thursday, to be exact) and I am still great with child. I was hoping perhaps the contractions I had last night might be the beginning of REAL labor, but alas, they were not. They were just a tease... but they did get me to put the last couple things in the suitcase for the hospital! I think we're ready to go.

I've been tired and rather warm. I find myself often sucked into my Ravelry page, adding in all my completed knitting projects. To find them all, I was going back through my entries here, and I found myself missing the art I used to do before I was so tired and pregnant and trying to get ready for the baby/ find a job/move to MN/pack up my apartment. I miss painting so badly I can barely stand it! I have wanted to see colors blend the way they do on a palette and a canvas since March and I've just not had that divine pleasure. I can almost taste it. That is one thing I so look forward to doing again. I know I won't have the time or the energy for a while, but to know that if I got the chance, I could without worrying that I was going to poison my little one. OH, such bliss.

If I have the energy, I'll be trying to pull my creative life back together again once we've moved. I'm really hoping that whatever job I end up doing will be moving me more toward a creative career. I mean, if it means keeping a roof over our heads and food in our tummies, I can work in science again, but I'm trying to take this new start as a chance to make a bigger change in direction. I'll keep you posted on that one. Maybe I'll be able to have an art project on the blog similar to the one I did last year in September... only it'll be limited by the length of a nap. Sometimes it's good to abandon your perfectionism and churn out the work. It won't happen until after we move (October 1, baby!), but I'm hoping it'll be on the horizon soon after.

Ah, the workday has ended, and I can go home. I want this child really get in touch with gravity. Think downward thoughts for me, won't you?

Another member for the Tippers*

2007-08-22T15:10:00.001-04:00

I was planning on posting again yesterday because I eventually got over my cookie fix freak-out. I felt like MAYBE I'd made SVH out to be the bad guy... although he doesn't deny he DID take the cookies. He also said that they were absolutely half-gone, no matter what I say.

However, as we were finishing up at work, Carl (SVH) suddenly shouted that he'd cut his thumb badly with a pair of pruners. It still makes me a little bit sick to remember the feeling of hearing that. My stomach dropped. I threw him a huge wad of paper towels, and said, "Hospital?" He said, "Yes. Go." I ran and grabbed my keys and we left everything as it was and took off for the ER. He's very calm and collected, and despite the fact that I felt that icky sicky feeling in my gut, it definitely kept me calm, too. Calm enough to kind of chuckle in the car that it's probably unusual that a woman as pregnant as me running into the hospital ISN'T the one in need of care.

It turns out he didn't hit any bone, but he did cut off a pretty big chunk- the diameter of the tip of my thumb for certain. It hurt and it throbs now, and he got a tetanus booster along with getting patched up with some surgical foam, but he's fine, I'm fine, we're fine, everyone's fine here. How are you?

The ER can be a disturbing place. A little toddler came in, cradled by her mother with lots of blood on her face, which was so upsetting, but then they came out after getting her cleaned up and it turned out she had just tripped and bonked her head in just the right way... it would only need a couple of stitches, and she was fine. Still, scary. I can't believe I was pre-med once upon a time. I've gotten soft since my college days of shadowing doctors.

Such a day. We had been at the hospital earlier in the day for my weekly appointment, and I'm pleased to report the head is down, and the weight of the baby's head is starting to work it's magic on my birthin' machinery. It's good to know that this child will eventually be born. Last time I was in, I was told everything was closed for business. So we're getting very comfortable with the hospital grounds. I'm sure we'll be quite ready when the baby comes.

*"The Tippers" is what my father-in-law and sister-in-law (not the Sleepy-Voiced Sister who visited us at Thanksgiving) call themselves because of their penchant for cutting themselves much as Carl did yesterday. It's a common event over the holidays, when my father-in-law spends a lot of time in the wood shop. The first time it happened when I was there, I was a little surprised that the Monopoly game continued, with louder music and more drinks once he was on his way to the hospital, but now I know that they all have the drill down so well that there's nothing left to do but reminisce about all the other times it's happened. Anyway, I think SVH is a member of the club now.

Cookies

2007-08-21T13:47:00.000-04:00

I've been pretty good throughout this pregnancy. But today, I just felt tired and crabby and I really wanted dessert after lunch. Like a lot. So my wonderful Sleepy-Voiced Husband took me to the grocery store, where I purchased some Keebler Fudge Shoppe cookies (the wafer kind) and a Twix bar.

Good for me? No. But, you know, good for me? Oh, my, yes.

I ate the Twix bar in about 2 minutes flat. SVH had started on the cookies and left them on my desk. Bad idea, homeslice. I started eating them. I didn't finish the cookies. I didn't even come close. They weren't even half gone yet (he might say they were, but he exaggerates these things- OH YES YOU DO! YOU KNOW IT!). But when SVH came over to get more cookies, I believe his comment was something along the lines of, "Holy Shit!"

And then...

He picked up the box of cookies and took them to HIS desk (we were in our office... the one we share with 6 other people)! And he said, "I'm going to save you from yourself." To which my internal response was, "Who is going to save YOU from me, though?" Really. I said I was carb-loading for labor. He said it was all sugar. I told him to shut up. I told him I was going to go back to work (we're working in different areas today, which is probably a good thing) before I punched him.

I don't think I've ever had such a snarling stray cat protecting my food kind of response before. It was bizarre. He's been fantastic throughout all this pregnancy... well, so have I, since I understood his humor about the whole thing... but, man, a line was crossed. He took cookies away from me.

He told me I could have more at break (3pm Eastern Standard Time), but still. It was so wrong. He knows that right now my greatest fantasy involves me, the bulk candy section of the grocery store, and a movie while lying in bed without anyone else around so I can pig out on the sweets that I have been CRAVING so madly and NO ONE CAN TAKE MY COOKIES! DAMN IT! I have a big baby in my belly and I'm hungry and I move awkwardly and I've been pregnant for like 3 years and if I want to eat myself silly just once, because it wouldn't take long because there's no room in there anyway but at least I'd have the satisfaction of having done it, then it's my prerogative! Sometimes you need to sample one of every candy bar in the cashier's line or eat an entire box of cookies or enough salt water taffy to declare yourself another sea.

Dude, I need to stop thinking about the cookies.

hiccup

2007-08-13T20:07:00.000-04:00

This poor baby gets the hiccups every time I eat now. I'm watching my belly jump slightly every couple of seconds. It's always just after I've eaten. The first couple of times I noticed it, it was after I'd had either a sugary soda, or worse yet, a sugary caffeinated soda. But I just ate a greek salad and drank water, and these are definitely hiccups. I used to get them a lot when I was little, but it was usually after I had an uncontrollable laughing fit. Like mother, like child, I guess.

Ravelry revelry

2007-08-09T14:37:00.000-04:00

Everybody's talked about it, everybody's heard about it, blah blah blah... but I really enjoy Ravelry! I got on it last week, and while I've been utter crap at getting my finished objects and yarn and other things up there for viewing, I'm enjoying the browsing! People make wonderful things! And it's all in one place! Definitely lots of fun. It hasn't gone totally public yet, but it will once they get onto the new servers.

Just in case you haven't heard about it, it's a knit and crochet community. It's also an organizational site for all your fibery stuff. There is a chart to inventory your needles, a place to keep track of all your yarn, a place to post pictures of all your finished objects and a place to queue up the projects you have yet to start. You can also look at everyone else's projects and yarns, and find out about all the substitutions and changes others have made to whatever project you're considering. Sometimes I think I could use a site like that for my life. But then I'd probably spend so much time getting everything entered into it, my life would probably stop, and then it would be useless.

I'm actually spending very little time on Ravelry, but I like that I can look up a pattern I'm considering and see all sorts of finished versions. I also like that I can enter a yarn and see what others have made using that same yarn. Excellent tool, all the way around.

Home Stretch

2007-08-04T15:56:00.000-04:00

We're closing in... 36 weeks!

The belly has begun to drop and the maternity clothes aren't as roomy anymore. I've been very very lucky throughout this pregnancy, but I have to say, I'm looking forward to not being pregnant anymore. I dreamed the other night that I was not pregnant, and man, I moved SO easily. It was kind of disappointing to wake up and try to spring out of bed, only to feel more like a manatee out of water.

Gotta run! The parents and a couple of siblings are going to be here tonight, and I have maybe 17 pounds of cat hair to sweep up. Kiss kiss!

The lessons learned in college

2007-08-02T10:15:00.000-04:00

It's going to be near 100F here today with ridiculous humidity... and I work in greenhouses. Not exclusively in greenhouses... there is also the head house, which is a giant cinder block cavern (brick oven) with a garage door to be opened and several exhaust fans to keep it marginally cooler. It gets you out of the sun, but it's still warm. We're getting all of our greenhouse work done ASAP to stay the heck out of there for the afternoon. And I've always got my heavenly, air-conditioned cubicle in which to take refuge.

I didn't wake up to go to the bathroom in the night until 5am. At least I don't think I did. I'm not always that lucid when I get up and sometimes I get in there and fall asleep again. Carl has mentioned a few 15 minute 2am bathroom trips before. Sometimes I might be eating ice cream in the kitchen during that time, but usually it's that I've fallen asleep in the john. I'm not proud.

Anyhoo, I think that means I'm not quite hydrated enough. It's been hot, and I've been drinking water, but pregnant women are always at a deficit anyway, and it's really easy to become dehydrated. I'm trying to drink a lot of water, but there isn't a whole lot of extra room in there these days. I eat a big meal and the child tries to crawl around to the back in search of more space. Seriously- I see kicks coming out my right side.

My plan right now is to take those dangerous, legendary drinking games and play them with water. I'm trying to do the power hour* or century club* or whatever variation you know and play it with water. Not measured shots- sips/drinks/glugs/whatever. Apparently my youngest sister has proven herself several times during the power hour, but I myself was never one to hold the booze all that well. Maybe I'll do better with water.

Wow. Life has really changed, hasn't it? This might officially make me a grown up.

* You take a shot of beer every minute for either an hour in the case of the power hour or 100 minutes in the case of the century club. Either way, you're drinking an incredible quantity of beer in a very short time (i.e. 10 beers in less than 2 hours in the case of the century club). I recommend not playing them in their original form.

2007-07-27T13:11:00.000-04:00

A friend from work who was due a month before me had her baby this morning!

Soon, soon....

Have a delightful Friday!

Let's do the time warp again...

2007-07-23T15:53:00.000-04:00

Sorry about the time lapse... I found that post I put up yesterday nearly completed but had never published it. The past 2 weeks have been something of a blur.
Here's the overview:

Started birth classes on the 7th. Only have one more next week, but I'll probably sign on for the breastfeeding classes after that.
Decided that the final week before La Cage production that my counterpart could be the one in charge and I would not spend much time at the theatre.
One painter was hauled off in the ambulance with heat exhaustion.
One painter never showed up to paint.
Used about a day and a half of leave (that I was really planning for maternity leave) to go work on the set, since we were short-handed.
Thought the whole show would be a disaster.
Was pleasantly surprised on opening night when everything went well and everything looked good. All in all, I feel good about the show and what I did on it. Pictures another time.
Carl got sick on the 10th and was out of work until the 17th. So far, no virus for Mama.
Began packing up books and art supplies and other things that we won't be using until after we move.
Made room in my dresser for several baby drawers- it's going to be a temporary changing table until after we move.
Finished a swatch for a lace scarf that I wanted to use for the delicious Schaefer Helene I got, and decided I don't think I like it. Pictures another time.
Went to the dentist- realized I really cannot lie flat any longer. As I lay there, I felt the baby's weight begin to move onto my diaphragm. Not easy to breathe that way.
Got another delicious maternity massage on Saturday. If I'm ever asked for a single piece of advice to give another pregnant woman, it will be to get a couple of massages in the final months. Eternal bliss.

That's about all I can think of at the moment. There was a lot of stress there with that last week of production, but all's well that ends well. Now, I'm getting ready for the baby and getting ready to get the hell out of this tiny apartment and this town! I'm so excited to finally get to meet this child. Just over 5 weeks 'til the due date!

Baby Shower

2007-07-09T06:06:00.001-04:00

Three of my loveliest friends had a baby shower for us on the 6th of July. They decorated with balloons and flowers and the colors were blue and pink (as well as the standard yellow and green), since we were so uncooperative as to not find out the sex of our baby. We had a wonderful turnout and the weather was cool and breezy. Sometimes you think about all the terrible things in the world and it's scary to think of having babies... but then people show such generosity and kindness and you realize having babies is a wonderful idea.
Here's the most adorable Daddy-to-be. I love that sweet expression on his face. He's going to be an amazing father.
And heeeeeeeere's Mama! Pay no attention to that bruise on my arm- the 17 pound bottle of Herbal Essences conditioner and gravity won in a contest held (against me) in the bathtub a week or so ago. One of the great things about working in agriculture is all the fresh produce people brought from the fields to the shower! We had lovely fresh strawberries and the most exquisite yellow cherries I've ever tasted. I've forgotten the variety. People brought delicious food and Molly made a cake that was to die for, full of honey and buttercream and decorated with marzipan bees.

We were overwhelmed with the sweet and generous gifts. There were several hand-knitted gifts, lots of soft little onesies in various sizes, blankets and diapers, bibs and burpcloths, Dr. Seuss books and toys, and possibly my favorite- a Teddy fish. It's a stuffed spawning salmon, all plush and cuddly. My child will be the weird one in the black Rebel Without a Cause onesie snuggling its stuffed fish. We also got plenty of money to buy some of the bigger things, like the essential carseat and stroller and all the other stuff a baby needs.

It was all so nice that I've almost forgiven Nicole for using the codename "Jabba the Mom" to refer to me in the planning stages.

By the way, here's a sneak peak at the art piece I'm working on for the La Cage set. I figure two gay men who own a drag club would have such a piece, don't you? More pictures as time goes on!

2007-07-04T09:28:00.001-04:00

Hey- quick note- still here, still busy, still very round. I'll be catching up in the next day or so, I hope! 'Til then, have a happy 4th of July to my friends in the U.S. and have a great day to everyone else.

Crazy Busy at 30 Weeks

2007-06-21T13:36:00.001-04:00

Happy Birthday to my Gabby girl! She's 8 years old today. She was born 5 days before my wedding, and now she's a great big kid who reads books and plays soccer and has an amazing sense of comedic timing. I can hardly believe she's grown so much. I have a cousin who is 8 years older than me, and she was my rockstar growing up. I thought she was the coolest, and I wanted to be just like her. I'm sure my child will look up to my Godchild in the same way.

I am currently working like crazy on a poster for my boss to take to a meeting in early July, putting together our baby registry (how many freakin' kinds of carseat are there, anyway?!), and getting sketches done and buying paint for my crew on the musical this summer. We're going for an impressionist look, which is difficult to translate to a full size (25'x40') stage drop. Our individual brush strokes are going to be done with 9" rollers. I've done more preliminary sketches for this show than I have for any show in the past, and I now have 2 approved. TWO! That's it! It's been a challenge this year. Here's the first sketch I got approved-
It's the backstage area of the nightclub. Yes, I do appreciate the irony of painting a full stage backdrop of a backstage to hang in front of a backstage. The real backstage is painted flat black, though, precisely so it won't be visible. The painters are under strict orders not to allow the brick wall to slide downward on the stage right side. I'm blaming it on the belly getting in the way of my arm.

I'm doing none of the drop painting this year. It's good because I shouldn't be around that much paint for that much time anyway. It's also tough because I can't help get all these drops done to be hung in 10 days. I always hate not being able to pull my weight, even though I'm doing exactly what I signed up for- designing but no painting.

Speaking of my weight, we're officially retiring the belly picture outfit...... in favor of real maternity shirts. Much better. More when some of the crazy dies down!

Surprise Ultrasound

2007-06-14T15:11:00.001-04:00

Here I thought we were done, and then we found out on Tuesday that we were going to get to see the baby again!

Still a little Thumbsucker!

And we got to see some cute 3D pictures. In real time, we got to watch the baby move... it moves just like a baby. I know that's to be expected, but it's still inside and little and stuff! So cute- we watched the tongue moving, and the mouth opening and closing, and lots of kicking and fidgeting.

I'm pretty sure the child has my nose.

First Baby Gift!

2007-06-12T20:49:00.001-04:00

Catching up with what I've been doing

2007-06-10T15:03:00.000-04:00

I finished the baby socks quite a while ago, but I kept blogging from work (over break, of course, Big Brother) and the pictures were on my computer at home. So here they are, in all their purpleness. They haven't been washed and blocked yet... or wait, has the right one (the first one) been washed? I can't remember now, but hopefully the slightly tighter leg in the second one (on the left) will loosen up. Please?

Franklin blogged recently about the guilty-feeling mother with whom he discussed knitting on the train one morning. She felt bad because she doesn't knit and her kids are clothed in all store-bought clothing. I have done the opposite. The only baby garments I have right now are those I've made. These socks are joined by the two sweaters I've knit: this one from last summer; and my citrus stripe sweater to which I haven't attached the sleeves yet because it keeps looking terrible. I think I might need to rip back a bit on the sleeves because they're too large at the top for the armholes or something. I'm getting a really thick join and I don't like the way it looks at all.

Anyway, the two sweaters and the wool socks aren't going to cut it for a baby born in late August or early September. I need to get my act together and get ready for this child! We've been trying to move, and we still are, but the job search is painfully slow. We've decided we're going to give ourselves until July 1. If we don't know that we're moving by then, then we're probably not moving until after the baby is born. We'll continue the job hunting, but we'll move into a different mode. We'll then be available by October 1, and we'll make plans to move then no matter what. We'll keep socking away savings, and we'll job hunt THERE. It's kind of hard to get many serious options when you're applying from across the country. We'll also then focus on getting our too-small apartment ready for the new arrival, which will combine well with packing, since we're going to need to make some freaking space!

I'm feeling better knowing that we have a plan (or a plan for a plan). I really want to start feathering my nest, registering for adorable little onesies and buying diapers and wipes and stuff. We haven't wanted to start all of that and then haul it all across the country a month later, but we're getting close now, and it's time to get ready.

The one where I brag about my husband

2007-06-06T10:34:00.001-04:00

Today, I officially start my third trimester. And the high for Friday is supposed to be near 90F. I am so pumped.

Every week we have lunch with my favorite person, Nicole. She's been my classmate (only she's about to finsh her PhD- sucker!!), study partner, angry kickboxing pal, shoulder-to-cry-on and great friend for the past 6 years. It's going to be sad when we all jump ship and move on to the next thing, but we love them (her husband is the one who wanted to try on my Mom's Jaywalker... just the one...) and we'll keep in touch with them, I know. The thing is, she's busy, and sometimes stuff in the lab is unpredictable, and also maybe she can be a little forgetful, so we email every week to check that she's available for lunch.

Today, my internets hated me and my computer froze up so I had Carl email Nicole. This was his message:

Wednesday comes from the Germanic Woden's day. Woden is the same as the Norse god Odin. Also, I was wondering if you will be joining us for lunch today.

Is there any wonder why I love him? Just imagine that being read out loud, in a sleepy voice, kind of like Joel from MST3k. He makes me laugh like no one else. That, and I'm easily amused right now because I don't get enough blood to my brain anymore. Love y'all!

Banana Sammiches!!!

2007-05-31T12:37:00.000-04:00

Just over something or other viral that felt an awful lot like strep throat. Also, just started production on the summer musical and I've been busily pimping myself with new and improved resumes and applications online. I've been busy, and I just haven't been so chatty.

That is, until now.

I just read Evil Science Chick's latest on banana sammiches. I hope that link works, but I can't check because The Man thinks that's an adult site and therefore not able to be viewed on my computer (hence the reason I never get to comment- sorry ESC! I read every post and laugh!). Damn Watchdog Software. I can still get all her posts via bloglines, so I'm not sure what it protects me or my coworkers from, but I digress. She was discussing the proper condiments on a banana sandwich. Her husband puts mayo on his. I THOUGHT MY FAMILY WAS THE ONLY ONE! I love love LOVE banana and mayonaise sandwiches! And then I remembered- she's in Georgia (and I think her hubby is from the south?). My mother is from Georgia, and that is who introduced me to the lovely, almost sweet and sour flavor of the banana-mayo sammich (I've got to stop saying sammich- last week I actually ordered a portobello "sammich" in a restaurant). Personally, I think it has to be REAL mayo, not light and definitely not miracle whip.

I haven't had one in years. Probably because my Sleepy-Voiced Husband thinks that mayonaise, specifically commercial mayo, is the most repulsive disgusting thing in the world. I may have mentioned that I like to eat banana-mayo sandwiches in the past, but I think if he actually SAW me eat one it might cause a serious rift in our relationship. I bought bananas for the week he was gone, but I ended up eating them in my cereal. Too many bananas in one day can plug you up, and since that's already one of the common side effects of being pg, I didn't go for more than one in a day.

Still, I've been thinking about them a lot lately. Toasted bread, mayo, lovely firm banana... perhaps I'll have to eat one stealthily so I don't totally gross out the SVH. By the way, thanks ESC, for the banana slicing tip. My mom always sliced them into rounds and slippage was a problem. Cutting the banana length-wise makes much more sense. SVH would probably have helped me come up with that same idea (he's of German descent, you know), if I only could admit my deep dark craving...

It ain't over 'til the fat lady putts

2007-05-24T08:48:00.000-04:00

Oh my brothers and sisters, I played golf yesterday after work. We walked. We only made it through about 6 holes because we're terribly slow (I play with a few beginners) and because, with all my extra blood, the mosquitoes thought I was a tasty burger.

I've played golf since I was a little kid; my Mother was born in Augusta, GA- it was a requirement! I'm not all that good. In fact, I'm downright rusty compared to my high school golf team days, but I have some clubs and some enthusiastic friends, so I usually get out a handful of times per summer.

I may have overdone it a bit. I'm exhausted today. I opened the warehouse-sized garage door in our headhouse just now and had to sit down and catch my breath. I know the cute parasite puts a strain on my system, but I was careful to play and walk at a slower pace (we usually let anyone behind us play through- we're painfully slow), and to stay well hydrated. It was a gorgeous afternoon and it felt good to get out and do something summery. But this new body of mine takes a lot of getting used to. Just like I have learned I have to begin yoga breathing when approaching a flight of stairs, I'll figure out how much I can do and then work accordingly. It's hard to realize my limitations, but I don't really have a choice.

I gotta tell you, though, that extra 20 pounds has given me more power! My belly acts as a counterbalance, so I was getting more distance on most of my shots. There are bizarre compensations.

Seduced by the Dark Side

2007-05-22T16:23:00.000-04:00

I am hearing the siren call of the crochet. Seriously, I am. I'm bravely fighting the persistent whisper of the loom, and so far the sewing and the spinning haven't beckoned to me, but the fact that I taught myself to crochet back in high school and I already have some hooks lying around is making it so much easier to consider.

The reason, first and foremost, is the Babette Blanket that everyone and her blog are working on these days. I'd been thinking about blankets, and the prospect of knitting a blanket seemed a bit slow. I remember crochet as being a little quicker. Plus, when you see this and this, how can you resist? It's positively Klimtian!

Then, while perusing the new Crochet Queen Thread at the Lime and Violet message boards, I followed a thread to the Stitch Diva Crochet Tutorials and discovered Tunisian Crochet! I must have it! I love love LOVE the fabric it makes! It's like weaving, knitting and crochet all in one. I'm infatuated with the pattern of it, especially with the multiple colors. I just want to stare at the fabric. I'm totally thrilled by it.

Do I really need another hobby? The knitting is slow enough, and I want to make everything in the world. I still haven't learned batik. I'm still fighting the weaving impulse. I have a full time job, an art career to launch and a baby on the way. I still have to move across the country and find another full time job. I'm lacking focus these days. But those pictures are so inspiring, aren't they?

Of course I'm going to play with crochet. I'll probably even pick up a Tunisian Crochet hook and learn it. Because I've learned when I'm making things I find exciting, I'm inspired to make even more things. The more I do, the more I do. As long as the creative juices are flowing, it's good.

By the way, is there a wealthy person out there who'd like to be my benefactor? I can make you all manner of crazy things. Your castle would have tapestries and tiles, paintings and warm blankets, murals and mosaics, and your body would be draped in lovely garments and handmade jewelry. You just have to, you know, support me (and my family) financially. Any takers?

More on beauty (and moron beauty?)

2007-05-18T09:12:00.000-04:00

I didn't read this entry properly on Monday, so I'm directing you there a bit late. Jane Brocket, who authors the lovely blog Yarnstorm, wrote a bit about beauty, youth obsession and knitting. I love her blog- she takes such gorgeous photos where she uses color to it's utmost advantage. I imagine walking through her kitchen is a magnificent sensory overload, with the delicious cakes she makes and the colors she uses to frost and decorate them, and the plates and linens she sets them out on. It's a short post and well put.

Then, you need to simply scroll through her previous entries and swim in all the amazing color.

P.S.

2007-05-17T19:06:00.000-04:00

The sleepy-voiced husband just got off the phone with his best friend from home. He's so happy. I love to see him like that.

Twenty-four

2007-05-17T18:19:00.000-04:00

It's a week late, since I'm already 25 weeks, but I'm only just now getting around to posting. We took this picture on Mother's Day.
The tummy sleeve is doing it's job. There would be a lot of bare belly in this shot without it!

Yoga stress

2007-05-16T10:23:00.000-04:00

I've been coordinating yoga classes at work once a week. See, I'm at an experiment station, which are great places to do ag research, but you don't have the advantage of being on campus with the rest of the university programs. The station has an agreement with a local college for Academic employees (grad students, post-docs, faculty) to use their facilities and fitness programs free of charge. Once I left grad school, I no longer had access to the yoga classes that I had been taking since 2003. A couple of summers ago, a clever post-doc got permission and a location so the teachers we had at the college could teach summer classes on our premises. It seemed this past year that there was enough interest from non-academic staff to keep the classes going over the winter.

Right now, these classes are one of the most stressful things in my life!

The teachers get a set fee, regardless of how many students show up and how much those students pay. The instructors get paid up front, which means they get paid through me, and then I collect money from everyone else. I have not made any money off these classes. I have paid for my attendace myself- whatever they pay, I pay, too. And now? I'm about $50 in the hole. Excellent.

The academic staff who normally take the classes for free were supposed to start showing up this month, since the college doesn't hold classes over the summer. But they haven't. And, of course, now they don't want to pay the full 4-week session fee when it's half over. I don't blame them, I guess. But I think the policy of a standard fee and paying up front, whether you show or not is pretty much the norm, right? I'm just annoyed. I had to raise the prices per 4 week session (which, incidentally, is still obnoxiously inexpensive. Anyone else out there getting 4 yoga classes for $25? From a fully certified teacher?), and I still can't manage to get myself out of the hole.

I realize this is a lame problem, and I feel like a whiny little wimp. I had a hard time getting to the point where I could say you pay the full fee or you don't. I'm always wanting to make exceptions, and I'd love to be able to offer a per class drop-in fee. But I don't have the wiggle room in my own finances to be waiting around for money to trickle in. I feel like I'm turning people away with this draconian payment plan (which it really isn't). If I were more flexible (which got me into this situation) I could probably get further out of the hole.

What really bothers me is that this situation reminds me that I'm not a natural business woman. I'm concerned about this, because being independently employed in various artistic pursuits one day will mean I need to figure this stuff out. I need to be able to represent myself well and be confident in charging whatever it is I charge. I hate feeling cheated and I hate feeling taken advantage of. But I'm not always very good at standing up when it comes to money. My inclination is always to undervalue my talents and services, at least financially. I don't know why. Perhaps that's why I've had financial problems in my life. I have a dysfunctional relationship with money. Maybe I need to read more Suze Orman so she can give me the courage to be wealthy or whatever. Plbbbbbbbbbt.

-------------------------------------------------------
I've thought about my issue more since my browser froze and didn't let me publish right away.

I'm contemplating the following:

Charging a 1/2 month fee for those people who want to start late (even though they were notified at the beginning of the session and it was for their own personal reasons they did not attend) to recoup more of my losses.
Handing off the reigns to someone else. If no one else will take it over, then we simply won't have yoga this summer.
Recommending to the next person to charge a fixed fee for the sessions and to hang on to any extra money for the lean winter months when attendance is spotty rather than refunding any extra, as was done last summer.
Educating myself on the business of art so I don't run into these issues when it's my livelihood at stake in the future.

Does that sound like a good plan? Does anyone have any suggestions?

Slippery Slope

2007-05-12T14:23:00.000-04:00

I'm sliding. Oh baby.

I decided to join the chumfest at my favorite pushers of yarn pr0n, Lime and Violet's new shop. I have always ALWAYS wanted to support indie dyers, but I just never had the cash. So I decided I would try to snare this lovely skein of hand-dyed sock yarn that was going to be on sale at their first ever store update. It had purple and yellow, which are the colors I've been using to knit for our baby as of late, so they make me smile a lot. I cleared it with the CFO of our household (SVH has been in charge of our finances, and I'm so happy. It's been so good for us. He has patience. I am impulsive. Yin and Yang.) and managed to snare 480 yds of Reg Barclay. I'm not a Trekkie, but I managed to catch that this series was named after characters from the various series. I think. But isn't it pretty? And more than that, I supported not only my favorite podcast, but an indie artist. I felt really really good. Such a splurge! Such indulgence!

Today, on my walk I went to our LYS to pick up another skein of the orange Encore to finish my baby sweater. That was all I was going to buy, unless something lovely on the clearance rack caught my eye. Do I even need to tell you what happened? How about a picture instead?

It's Schaefer Helene in the perfect Susan colors! It's 50/50 silk and wool! It's like lipstick- smooth and in my favorite colors. I am in such mad love with this skein. I live about 20 miles from where Schaefer Yarns are made. None of the stores I go to can keep this stuff in stock. And this was on CLEARANCE! It was 50% off! Cue the Hallelujah chorus! It was hidden under some other stuff, but I found it and it is mine and I am totally in love with it. In fact, I think this is the yarn I had a crush on last year (only it wasn't in these perfect colors). I'm telling you, it was fate.

But now that is twice IN ONE WEEK that I have bought yarn. Specifically yarn that I didn't need for a project (that 5$ Encore doesn't count) AND is definitely luxury yarn. I've never been a stasher, but here I am with a bunch of yarn I bought just because it was pretty. I'd say it was nesting, but other than the Encore, none of this is for the baby. It's for me me me.

Speaking of knitting for the baby, I finished this sock and it's so cute I could just die. It's so wee! It is Dale Baby Ull leftover from the square I knitted for Miss Violet's afghan last fall. The pattern is Baby Keep Your Socks On by the multi-talented Amy Boogie. It needs a mate, but it won't take too long.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

2007-05-10T17:24:00.000-04:00

Ah, the creative urge is taking over again. I'm feeling more like myself. I'm even feeling motivated! I've found myself scouring motivational creativity sites and reading the blogs of prolific artists to keep myself going during the drudgery of the work day. Ideas are flowing. It feels good.

One of my ideas is to use this daily planner that my grandma couldn't bear to get rid of, despite the fact that it was April and the year was already 1/4 over. I brought it home so she didn't have to think about it anymore and decided this should be my first foray into book altering/creative journaling. It's a nice solid book, it has big pages, a bookmark AND a lovely gold edging on the pages. It's mighty impressive. Oh, and that bit of pink? My belly. Can't seem to keep it out of the way.

Has anyone reading this done this kind of thing before? I'm assuming I need to use gesso or something like it to prep the pages. Let me know if you have some suggestions. I'll also check out the myriad of altered book instructional pages out there. Somebody has to have some non-toxic ways to prep pages. It might be a fun chance to try some new things, like I did during my September 2006 Art Project. I won Claudine Hellmuth's Collage Discovery Workshop: Beyond the Basics from the CraftSanity podcast last fall, and I want to go through and try some of the techniques.

I might also dig out the Artist's Way again, to keep me in the right frame of mind. I followed it pretty faithfully for most of the weeks I did it, but there was a point where I stopped. I think it would be a completely different experience now.

Oh, yeah. Here's a picture of my current (and soon-to-be retired) apron at work. I'm laughing because SVH was so frustrated with me. I kept talking during the previous 3 shots so I looked like an idiot. Maybe the kid is right.

Sleepless in Geneva

2007-05-09T10:33:00.000-04:00

I woke up in the middle of the night on Saturday night and couldn't get back to sleep for the worrying. You know that feeling? I used to have it a lot worse. When I was still in grad school or in the process of leaving, I had such problems being able to get back to sleep when I woke up. I've had very little trouble with it since I a) left school, b) got a little pharmaceutical help with the anxiety and c) started my new life as a host organism to a really cute parasite (see photo). In fact, I'm sleeping more than I have since I was a child. So this inability to get back to sleep was unusual.

I was worrying a little about the summer show that I'm doing, but that's relatively minor. It has actually begun to make me feel creative again, and getting my sketch pads and pastels out has lit that creative fire that I've been missing for the past few months.

I was worrying more about where we're headed. I've been blathering on for a year now about how I want to move back to MN. I mean, excuse the expression, but shit or get off the pot, right? You can only whine about something so long. But there are a lot of factors. I was feeling guilty for being slow about job hunting. We're really far away, and I feel like that's been a liability thus far. Also, I'm getting closer and closer to needing to take time off, and I feel like that makes it less and less likely that I'll be able to get a job. I know that it is illegal for me to be discriminated against because of my "condition," but at the same time, it does limit some of the jobs for which I might apply. I could look for a summer appointment in some sort of greenhouse or nursery, but I'm not really up to a lot of the physical requirements of these jobs. The summer camp gardening teaching positions I've looked at need a guarantee that you can finish out the term, which usually ends about a week before my due date. It probably won't be a problem, but what if I get put on bed rest? Can I honestly apply for that job when the job description clearly states "Applicants must seriously consider their ability to complete the entire appointment."

Or am I just making excuses? While the camp ones sound kind of fun, I don't really want to be in science anymore. Another thing I've been whining about for a year. I'm looking for a job to get us back. To give me benefits so I can have a baby without having to pay exhorbitant health insurance premiums through Cobra for too long. I need to suck it up, and in my head, I'm mostly ok with getting a job to get us moved. It's temporary. It isn't very motivating, though.

I'm also concerned about money. Who isn't? It's always a factor. We're in big time debt repayment mode. We're making progress and we don't want to interrupt it. Right now, I'm wondering if it's best for us to use our savings so I can take a longer maternity leave (or any maternity leave, depending on my employment situation?), or do we use it for a downpayment so we can have a place to live when we move, or will it be necessary for other things I'm not even thinking of? Or do we need it to cover living expenses when we move if we don't have jobs. It's not a bottomless account. In fact, I can see the bottom quite clearly! [Fortunately, moving expenses are covered- thank God for eager parents who want their next grandchild to live in the same state!]

These are the things I was sitting there at 5 am thinking through and feeling scared. The one thing that is certain in my life right now is that the baby is coming at the end of the summer, regardless of what else is going on. Finally, my cat came over, curled up near me, and purred. I'm an extroverted person, and I've had great success with talk therapy, so I started talking. To my cat. And he sat there, looking at me the whole time and purring. Almost made me cry. But what was the most useful to me was hearing things said out loud (even though I was whispering because SVH was asleep in the next room). I said, "In 2 years, our financial situation is going to look so different! We'll be in so much better shape, we'll be able to afford more house, and live a bit more comfortably. I might not even need to work full time!"

And I began to contemplate staying in our little 1 bedroom apartment with the litterbox in the closet and the annoying lack of space while adding a baby to the mix. And I contemplated staying in my current job, which really offers very little in the way of advancement. And Carl staying in his current job, which offers absolutely nothing in the way of advancement. And I thought of how bored we are with our work. And I thought about continuing to live in a town I don't like, working in a job that doesn't interest me, living in a too small apartment (or heaven forbid moving to yet ANOTHER temporary home) and dealing with a husband who is even more unhappy with it all than I am. I said to my purring, furry shrink, "But the answer isn't to stay here."

Rarely in my life has settling for the known ever gotten me where I wanted to go. Staying here would only keep us, at best, in the same situation and going at the same pace we are currently going. There is no possible chance to make progress. By staying here, aside from being unhappy, we could be missing out on so many opportunities. Out of fear. We'd still need more space. So if we're going to move, we might as well make the big move. I'm a pretty adventurous girl. I'm willing to take risks. You should play cards with me. This is no time to get cold feet. Not when we're about to bring another person into our family. There are certain conditions we need that simply are not available here and now. Period.

The cat decided he didn't want to snuggle with me once I laid down to go back to sleep on the couch. In fact, he looked quite put out that I moved him from his spot. The magic spell had been broken. But I felt so much better. I still have that scared little voice in the back of my mind. I still have this fear that I should somehow become the uberstable mother and make all decisions based on absolute security. But I know moving on is the right thing to do. Even though I'm slow about it. Even though it might be scary and tough. And I've not had any trouble sleeping since.

An Ode to Caffeine

2007-05-04T11:21:00.000-04:00

Hi! How are you? You're looking lovely today! Have you been exercising? You've got such a healthy glow about you. Really, you look sensational. Hi!

I'm drinking my first cup of caffeinated coffee since January! HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

It's so lovely. It's so good. Just this morning, I was telling the Sleepy-Voiced Husband, "You know, I miss the intelligence that comes with drinking coffee." It's that feeling of clarity and alertness. I don't miss the caffeine addiction- oh, trust me, I was a huge junkie- but I love that burst of, "Ah yes, I understand both quantum physics AND how to work doorknobs now that I've had my fix. I am unstoppable!"

This morning, leaving for work, I needed to grab a spoon and a knife for my lunch. At break, SVH asked if I had a knife. I said, "Why yes, I do!" I reached into my bag and pulled out a fork. Yes, people, I grabbed the wrong utensil. Forks are useful for eating things, especially things like salad and cake, but they are not so good for cutting bagels and spreading peanut butter. This is what happens without coffee. And also maybe when a lot of your blood flow is diverted from your brain to your belly. Just saying.

My downside is that I talk CONSTANTLY when I'm on a real caffeine high. I stopped my coworker, Deb, to tell her I had saved her a piece of cake, and I talked to her, rapid-fire, for 20 minutes! It can be funny. It can also be twitchy and jittery and a little bit scary and you may wonder if I don't need to breathe anymore or something because I'm not really stopping to take a breath and shouldn't I also blink sometimes? Such joy, though. SUCH JOY!!!!!!

I want to paint cups of coffee for coffee shop decor. I think I could put such love and adoration for the coffee into these works, business would TRIPLE! Actually, I think I promised Dave from Chub Creek a painting once upon a time, and I wanted it to involve coffee. I really should get on that, because Dave is great. You know, funny podcast, good music, all that. Really, I love everyone right now. Wow. I don't think there's much hope in my staying off of caffeine (and coffee, specifically. COFFEE!) once the baby is born. I enjoy it far too much.

Real quick, because this coffee high will end sometime and I may not get here tomorrow, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOMORROW, JENNY! She's my knitting friend in Minnesota, and she doesn't like birthdays, but I LOVE them and I also have had some coffee so I'm saying HAPPY BIRTHDAY, you little Cinco de Mayo Baby, you!

An Inconvenient Truth

2007-04-30T10:27:00.000-04:00

My Sleepy-Voiced Husband is home, safe and sound, and all is right with the world once again. Except that I have gained 15 pounds of awkward weight in the belly that makes me ungainly and maybe a little bit slow when trying to sweep under the benches in the greenhouse. That might be why SVH swept 2 of the greenhouses in the time it took me to sweep one.

Yesterday, I saw An Inconvenient Truth, finally. Is it wrong that I have a geek crush on Al Gore now? I thought the documentary was well made; I appreciated the way they juxtaposed his life with his talk about Global Warming. I just admire that he has taken his "catastrophic event" and moved through it gracefully and is now making his life's work about preventing other catastrophic events. I'm not a climatologist, but his information looked scientifically sound to me. I've been reading and hearing these same things for years in journal articles for classes. Thank whatever-higher-power-you-choose that the recent trend of pretending Global Warming just isn't happening or is some vengeful, leftist propaganda plot seems to be on the downswing.

So, if you haven't seen it, go! There's a nice update in the special features in which Gore discusses what has happened since the 2005 talk. The website is helpful, too. It's such an important topic, please take the time to see it.

The best laid plans, blah blah blah...

2007-04-27T08:22:00.000-04:00

Remember on Saturday, when I talked about all the things I was going to get done this week? I have not done ANY more of it than I had last time I posted. Plus, one of my little mattress fixes came undone. Sigh. It seems that just the regular daily stuff plus 9 hours at work is all this little Mama can handle.

I guess there was Tuesday... Kouros woke me up twice in the night, vomiting up his food. I had also found a bolt lodged in my tire on my way home from yoga Monday night (too late to do anything about it that day). So Tuesday morning, on the way to work to quick tell my coworker that I was running to the mechanic, the clicking of the bolt on the pavement stopped... and the tire was flat a block later when I pulled into work. Fortunately, the lovely mechanic came, plugged the hole and made everything all better for about what I'd have to spend to get free Amazon shipping. Kouros got in to see the vet Tuesday after work (he was still leaving piles of regurgitated food when I got home) and it turns out all he needed was some hairball treatment. All's well that ends well. It was more than the daily grind, but none of it was stuff I could cross off my little list.

The things I have been doing, like cooking for myself, keeping the house clean, taking care of my kitty, have been good. I can feel good knowing that my priorities are in order. I know I need to find a job in MN if I want to move. I know I need to get rid of some of the crap in our house so that we don't have to move it across the country again. I know I need to get the set sketches done for our summer musical. I've been an all-nighter, push myself to the limit kind of woman in my past, but right now, it just can't be that way. I'm not going to risk my or my child's health for a job, a theatre group or anything else.

It's hard for me to realize that I can't do everything all the time. I may love the goal of simplifying, may find solace in things like yoga and meditation, but I still have that bit of myself that wants to go full speed all the time and rack up a dizzying list of accomplishments while having the clarity of a simple lifestyle. I may never lose that desire, but I've found that some of the limitations pregnancy has placed on me have been good for me. I'm so fortunate to have the luxury of being able to slow down some during this time; I don't have to work two jobs, and I don't have ailing relatives or small children who need constant care. I can whittle down the demands on my time without dire consequences. Perhaps this week hasn't been the loss I was originally thinking it was.

Hey Hermano!

2007-04-23T12:37:00.000-04:00

Have you ever tried to do futon mattress repair? Especially when you have no idea what you're doing? My advice is get a really long needle. My needle is only about 3" long (I so didn't want to go out of town for one stinking needle), and it has been PAINFUL on my poor fingers. I repaired 3 little puckery-quilty-things and it took me about 3 (or maybe 4) episodes of Arrested Development. On DVD. So no commercials, but that's still over an hour. I'd like to blame Kouros, and while he did try to chew through some of the excess cord I was using, it wasn't really a problem. Carl has the camera for the week, so I have no ability to document the fascinating progress (and for this, you should be grateful).

I did get the dishes and the grocery shopping done. I also swept the apartment and did a load of laundry. Home is liveable. I was pretty tired this weekend so I didn't get as far as I'd have liked. I have yoga after work today, and between that and just the normal daily stuff, I won't make myself do any extras today. I need to get some good sleeping done.

Speaking of Arrested Development, any fans out there? That show is absolutely brilliant! I was disappointed when it got canceled, but it was on during a busy time for me, so I wasn't really able to watch it regularly. That is totally the key to this show. You need to see them all so you can catch all the call-backs to jokes in previous episodes. ["Brother" in English, Italian, Spanish and French gets lots of mileage] This show lends itself SO well to DVD because you can watch them all in a short period and catch jokes. You can also pause it and see all the jokes put into newspaper clippings, webpages and other printed material shown on-screen. I think this show has become my all-time favorite. It may be dethroning The Office (in all its incarnations) and News Radio as my favorite of all time. If you haven't see Arrested Development and you like those other shows? Do yourself a favor and rent season 1, PRONTO! That was me speaking Italian. Ciao, Fratello!

Good intentions...

2007-04-21T15:30:00.000-04:00

It is so BEAUTIFUL outside today! I've got the windows open to air the winter out of this poor apartment. There's a loverly breeze blowing through and I'm just so happy that FINALLY spring is here. In the past 48 hours, every daffodil in town has exploded. This winter was so long, and even though there was still a small pile of snow left on the edge of a parking lot I saw earlier, I'm pretty confident in saying that's the end of that for another year. Please, please don't let me jinx it by saying that!

So I've got some time to myself in the next week, and I've decided there are some tasks that need doing. Some of them relate to moving (job applications, getting rid of unwanted possessions so I don't have to move them across the country), some of them relate to improving current living conditions (decluttering, cleaning) and some of them are things I just haven't gotten around to doing (mend the hole in that sweater, send a package, sketches for summer sets). I've been working on a list, and trying to figure out how to get these things divided up over the next 10 days or so.

Today, I need to finish the massive pile of dishes I started last night. If there were one task I could never have to do again in my life? Dishes. Hands down. I'll wash windows, I'll mop floors, I'll clean toilets. I despise doing the dishes. Next place we live? Dishwasher. Definitely. That's a deal breaker.

I also need to pick up groceries so the bambino/a and I are well nourished, which means more lists. I need lists. My mind is to jumbled and cluttered and swirled, so without lists, I flit from thing to thing and never complete a single task.

Finally, that bad cat that lives in my house has pulled out the quilting in our futon mattress. I know, we should have gotten a cover immediately, but we didn't, and he has managed to pull the cords out that help the mattress keep from slumping. I've got the mattress lying flat so I can start to get it back into shape. I bought some cord and long needles, so once I beat the stuffing back to where it belongs, I'll replace the ties Kouros ripped out. Little brat.

.....

So after I wrote that, I talked to my Dad for an hour, and got invited to dinner at a friend's. Perhaps that will be added to my to-do list for tonight and tomorrow? Shit, I'm already falling behind. Why aren't you people keeping me on track?

Thump, thump

2007-04-20T08:22:00.000-04:00

There's a lot of sad and disturbing stuff in the news these days. So I've been mostly avoiding it. For the time being, I've been trying to make sure the person I'm building to contribute to the world has as healthy and happy a start as I can give. A stressed out Mama won't be any help. I've been focused inward a lot more, which has been rewarding, because I've started feeling the baby moving around in the past day or so. No wonder Cari called her child Thumper while still in the womb- that's exactly what it feels like. I can't wait to be able to feel it from the outside, so SVH can enjoy it, too. He's been known to hold the cat like a baby in preparation for impending fatherhood.

In other news, I've got a lot of stuff that needs to get done soon, so over the next week or so, I may be using y'all as my to-do list police. Sometimes, you just need people to be looking over your shoulder, keeping you on task. I'll try to include cute cat pictures in there regularly to keep things from getting too dull round here.

Visual DNA

2007-04-19T12:49:00.000-04:00

This little thing was fun. It was fairly descriptive, in the vague way these personality test things can be. More importantly, when you're choosing your little things "about me," the pictures are really gorgeous. It made me want chocolate and a vacation.

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Like mother, like child

2007-04-15T20:51:00.000-04:00

We had an ultrasound on Thursday, and it looks like we've got a little thumb-sucker!

I sucked my thumb for years. I guess this one takes after me.

I felt inspired and started a little baby sweater in happy citrus colors to counter the dismal weather. It'll be cute for a boy or a girl- we decided not to learn the sex of the baby. We're just really, really excited!

Twenty Weeks

2007-04-10T20:17:00.000-04:00

Here's that latest belly shot... not quite 4 weeks after this one:
I wore the same outfit on purpose so you could compare. This blue shirt doesn't cover as much as it used to. Thank goodness for the tummy sleeve. I'm long waisted as it is, so my shirts were always just long enough. The moment I started to show, I was showing skin, too. I also didn't bother with the makeup today, because I was running behind this morning. Pregnancy has not been kind to my complexion.

Easter Trip

2007-04-09T09:18:00.000-04:00

I meant to leave a note on Thursday but didn't get to it. I spent the weekend in NJ at my grandparents' house with my parents, sister and brother. They had new video of my nephew, too! Got to see the first bath, which was so damn cute I could barely stand it. It was wonderful to see them. They took lots of video and still pictures of me and my big old belly (I'll post one here soon), which made me feel so good! I was kind of fun to be fussed over. My sister Cat kept talking to my belly, willing it to be a girl so she could buy lots of dresses this time.

It was also sad, because I don't think Grandpa will be around much longer. Usually when we go there he is grumpy and unpleasant. This time he was docile and kind of out of it. He's weaker than I've ever seen him, and he got sick on Sunday. He was put on some antibiotics, so I hope he's doing better today. Still, I don't think he plans to be around much longer. He smiled at my belly a lot and laughed at the antics of SVH and my siblings (we have SO much fun together!), but he seemed rather detached. I'm worried about my Grandma, because she's holding on to him with white knuckles, bound and determined to keep him alive, and once he goes, I think she's going to be a little lost. So strange. A few years ago they seemed to be waiting each other out, just barely able to stand each other.

Well, that's it. I'll post pictures soon. Now, I need to get to work. Kiss kiss!

I should have known

2007-04-04T08:23:00.000-04:00

At lunch yesterday, I was trying to get into the refrigerator, but I was having difficulties. See, SVH had 3 pairs of shoes on the little mat in front of the outside door, and they got pushed in front of the fridge door. I started laughing and asked if he had any more shoes he could put there. He went into the living room, got another pair of sneakers and tossed them at my feet. "There."

I managed to get over the pile and into the fridge (our door opens on the wrong side and I've never gotten around to switching it). Suddenly I hear THUNK, THUNK, THUD! against the door. He said, "There, that's all of them from the closet, too." Kouros was a little freaked out.

He said he hopes our baby gets his sense of the sublime.

Sniff

2007-04-03T17:39:00.000-04:00

We got this postcard in the mail yesterday. We gave our godchild, Gabby, a book of watercolor postcards for Christmas. We addressed the first one to ourselves so she could paint it and send it to us.

Fred and George

2007-04-01T19:47:00.000-04:00

I love that the Weasley Twins's birthday is April 1st. I don't know if that was specifically mentioned in the books or if I got it off of JK Rowling's website. Anyway, happy birthday, Fred and George. I wish I had left school in the same flamboyant manner they did.

Finally, I got new batteries for the camera, and I have a picture of the gifty Fetchings. I think this yarn (Baruffa Maratona) is a slightly lighter worsted weight, so they came out wee. I added a second twist at the knuckles because they were so short. It's ok, Nicole is wee, too. They fit her perfectly. The weather up here is taking a turn for the shitty this week, too, so they may still be of use to her yet this season.

Earlier today, Carl was sitting at the computer and said, "Did you see the huge chunk of bread on our window sill?" Well, I could see the window sill, and there was no bread on it whatsoever. He said, "On the outside!" And sure enough...

I had no idea how it got up there- we're on the second floor and it's a sheer drop to the ground. I didn't hear anyone chucking bread at our windows last night. I did hear some drunk college kids staggering back to campus, and Carl heard some big rowdiness across the street when a party broke up, but it was all voices at a distance.

Then, an hour or two later, a fat squirrel ran along the sill, retrieved his bread, and scampered back across the street on the telephone line. Unfortunately, I wasn't quick enough with the camera. And Kouros wasn't quick enough, either.

P.S. I totally forgot that yesterday was my 1 year blog birthday! I had been looking forward to it, and then it completely slipped past me. Anyway, thanks for listening for all this time!

Did anyone find an extra 7 days?

2007-03-30T08:19:00.000-04:00

I lost a week. I'm not sure where it went. I kept thinking that I had just posted, but it's been a week. It hasn't even been a particularly busy week. I did a lot of job searching and research into continuing health insurance coverage after leaving a job, but that wasn't all consuming. I don't know what the hell happened.

I did finish my second gift fetching. Of course I don't have my camera with me, and I brought them to work because I thought I'd be having lunch with the recipient this week. Perhaps I will 1) bring the fetching home tonight, 2) get new batteries for my camera and 3) take a photo to share. I think I might have added a stitch or two to the picot bind off, because mine is very toothy-looking.

I have also found a place to get rid of the red heart and the acrylic I tried to teach myself to knit and crochet with in high school. I'm donating it to the Knittas! Should you have some yarn you want to get rid of, they said they're always happy to receive new yarn for their tagging missions. Just click on contact and send them a note. They'll get in touch and tell you where to send stuff. I love their knitted graffiti, and I love that they take acrylic yarn! That's one more box I don't have to move halfway across the country.

P.S. I did check the orange conditioner bottle- the nudist sport is volleyball. I think April left that in the comments last time, but I wanted to let you all know that I was thinking of you in the grocery store, and I checked so I could share the knowledge.

Amusements

2007-03-23T15:29:00.000-04:00

We have this shampoo and conditioner, and I can't remember which kind it is (maybe herbal essences or something?) , but it amuses me to no end. For each kind of shampoo and conditioner, such as extra body, or moisturizing or what have you, they have trivia questions. The answer to the shampoo is on the conditioner and vice versa. What tickles me so is that we have two different "styles" of shampoo and conditioner right now, so the questions and answers don't match up. This is the one I read every morning and smile to myself:

Q: What is the most popular sport played in nudist colonies?

A: Yourself.

It just brightens my day. Next time I'm in the grocery store, I'll have to pick up the orange colored conditioner and see what the actual most popular sport played in nudist colonies is, even though it can't be any better than my answer.

I'm also amused by the fact that the first time I typed nudist, I spelled it nudest. Like it's a competition.

Other amusements include the fact that my belly suddenly popped this week. By Wednesday, my belly had gotten all taut. My navel hasn't started to stick out, but it's become perfectly round. When I was first gaining weight and it was all soft, my belly button had gone all deep and horizontal. Now, I can suddenly get to spots in there than I never have before. It's the cleanest my navel has been in 32 years!

We have a friend coming up to visit from DC. I emailed his wife a month ago to tell her about my "condition" and I don't think she's checked her email since. Or maybe it's been shut down since she's graduated. Anyhoo, it should be funny to see how Clint reacts. I've had several people at work eyeing me, not wanting to ask, but still pretty suspicious. We'll have to see how word travels, eh?

Well, I have to go eradicate some spider mites. Don't worry, I'm only spraying soap on them. I don't do anything stronger than that right now. Not while I'm a host organism myself.

Lots on the Needles

2007-03-18T17:35:00.000-04:00

I've not had a very good attention span lately. And my knitting shows it. These are all "projects" (and I use the term lightly) that I started after the Christmas knitting was done, so Christmas day or later. I call it the ADD gallery...

Clockwise from the upper right: 1 1/2 Fetchings in Baruffa Maratona (a VERY late Christmas present for my patient friend Nicole); a provisional cast-on for Enid in Elsebeth Lavold Silky Wool, with the swatch in the center; 1 1/3 Fetchings in Knit Picks Swish Superwash (for me); the beginning of a toe-up wee baby sock in some left over purple Dale Baby Ull (for my little bun); and the cuff +1 1/2 pattern repeats of the Rainy Day socks in Austermann Step.

My first priority to finish is the gift Fetchings. I can get it done by the time I have lunch with Nicole on Wednesday. I realize that is not a great feat, but I've been slow.

I've done no art to speak of. I think it's time to begin sketching again. I couldn't even think about it for a while. I began to miss painting so much I could barely stand it, but I learned that oils are a big no-no for pregnant ladies. But I miss drawing, too. My husband and doctor together suggested I begin to work in crayons. So nice when your doctor is as much of a smartass as your husband. Oh well, at least she laughs at the things he says, rather than being totally appalled.

Speaking of that baby in the belly, here's the first of the pregnant profile shots. I'm almost 17 weeks in this picture (just over a week shy of entering my 5th month). I don't think I'll be hiding much anymore, do you?

It Worked!

2007-03-16T08:20:00.000-04:00

Those crossed fingers worked! My nephew Jordan was born at 2:31 central time on the Ides of March. He was 8 pounds, 1 oz, 21 inches long, and had 3 1/2 inch long feet! I think my nephew got some of the same genes as his Uncle Jes (my "little" brother with the size 16 feet).

I've spoken with my Mom (aka Nana) and the proud new parents, and they all can't stop talking about how wonderful he is. My Mom is even a nurse! She had 4 of her own! And yet, she is now 100% thrilled and delighted with her new role as a grandmother. She sounded enthralled when she talked about how beautiful and how soft he is. It is so cute! She said, "Oh, Susan, I am so excited for you guys! It's just so wonderful." I'm so excited to see him, but it made me even more excited to have my own! It's suddenly all much more real.

My sister is practically high she's so happy, which is a good thing because she wound up having a C-section, and she's not so good with pain, like I said. Jordan was sideways up until a week and a half before his due date. He finally turned head down, and they decided they didn't have to schedule a c-section after all. Then, once they broke her water yesterday, the little stinker turned sideways again. The doctor got him all turned properly, took his hands off Annie's belly, and Jordan immediately moved back sideways again. Stubborn little rascal... sounds EXACTLY like his mother.

When I talked with Annie yesterday, she couldn't stop saying (in a rapturous voice), "He's so cute! He's just so cute! I can't believe I made him!" When I finally interrupted her to ask how she was feeling, she said, "Um, pretty shitty, actually." Ok. The first time Carl met Annie, she was moaning, "I'm DYING and no one cares!" She was having what we found later to be a problem with her appendix. Every time she had these pains and we took her to the doctor, none of the tests they did showed any indication that her appendix was the problem. Several years later, during her appendectomy, she kept starting to go into shock as they tried to bring her out from under the anesthesia. Her body is overly sensitive to pain even when her drama-queen consciousness is subdued. For this woman to not even mention her own discomfort until asked is a testament to the power of motherhood, I guess. I'm still not sure what the body snatchers did with my sister... but we'll keep this one.

My brother-in-law has been a big old puddle over the whole thing. He's so excited he can barely stand it. He holds and talks to Jordan every chance he gets. Jason is an only child, and I'm pretty sure yesterday was the first time he ever held a baby. My Dad has already been to the hospital with the video camera, so one of these days, I'll get to actually see the baby! My Dad is a psychologist, and he had been called over to the jail while Jordan was on his way, so he had to visit later. [Mom shocked the nurse when she told Annie Dad couldn't come right away because he was at the jail. Kind of like the time Annie answered the phone when she was little and said Dad couldn't come to the phone because he was in jail.] The other day, Dad was telling me how excited they were about the coming grandchildren. I can't wait to see my Dad as Grandpa. We've always loved seeing him with babies and kids, because he genuinely likes them. He was such a great Dad, he played and played with us, and I can't wait to see him with the next generation. He'll probably be out in the back yard playing hide and seek with Jordan the way he used to play with us.

It has been so much fun to hear and see the transformation of my family. I'm really glad I got to watch all of this. I've always been the first to do everything, and I've been so caught up in what's going on with me, I don't know if I've ever really observed the effects on the rest of the fam. I've really enjoyed seeing this. It's made me SO excited to have my baby. I know things work out the way they should- I'm a firm believer in that. I think for the first time, I'm actually glad for the way things happened. Last summer's miscarriage was sad and painful, but in a way, it's made everything so much better now. I don't know if I'd change anything. Everything just seems really right.

Have a wonderful day, loves!

The Waiting Auntie

2007-03-15T10:31:00.000-04:00

Hopefully, my nephew-in-progress is making his way into the world as we speak. He is a week late, going by the latest due date given. As of a couple of days ago, my sister was dialated barely 1 cm. Fortunately for her, they have this thing now that acts on the cervix to cause dialation- the doctor kept referring to it as "the Barbie tampon." I'm not sure if this is different than the Prostaglandin suppositories or not. I am glad to hear about these options that don't involve a big old dose of pitocin. Or a very small dose, whatever. It's just supposed to make things so much more painful.

So... soon? This little boy is trying to break my sister of her planning, scheduled ways already. It amuses me to no end, because I've always been a little more fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants. Anyhoo, keep your fingers crossed for my hypersensitive-to-pain sister. She needs a short labor and a good strong epidural.

Girls in White Dresses With Blue Satin Sashes

2007-03-08T15:06:00.000-05:00

Random list of favorite books:
Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenedes
The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera
Portrait in Sepia by Isabelle Allende
Cat's Eye by Margaret Atwood
The Ground Beneath Her Feet by Salman Rushdie
The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeline L'Engle
Shopgirl by Steve Martin
Any of the Harry Potter books by JK Rowling
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
Hunger by Knut Hamsun
Gone With the Wind by Margaret Mitchell

Usually, those books that I truly love I will read repeatedly. I also love to read a book and then get an audio copy to hear it in someone else's voice. The Harry Potter series are an exception here, because I've only actually "read" the fifth one. The rest I've only listened to, albeit over and over and over again... love you, Jim Dale! He's such an amazing reader.

Some of the books in my list, however, are books I've only read once, but could not put down. Or I actually took the time in college, when there were many other demands on my time, not the least of which was dinking around with friends, to read the book because it captivated me. I think a book that can hold onto you, despite your very strong urge to slack off, deserves some credit, don't you?

Then there's my candy reading. I'm a sucker for murder mysteries. I dearly love me a Patricia Cornwell book where you get to follow the whole forensic investigation. Or Kathy Reichs. I'm partial to the John Sandford books because they take place in my beloved Twin Cities. Lucas Davenport apprehended a suspect at the gas station just a block from my old apartment, and I love being able to see exactly where things are taking place in my mind. I also adore the Dianne Mott Davidson books featuring the caterer/crime-solver extraordinaire, Goldy Schultz. Yes, I know. A caterer who always happens to be around when people are dying. Or else she knows the people who are dying. And her husband's a cop. But come on! Murder mystery + recipes? Fantastic. I love to combine my candy reading and food. I've made several of the recipes in the books, too. Excellent.

I also love completely unique worlds. Like Hogwarts, like Narnia, like the Old Kingdom in the Garth Nix books. I'm a little more choosy when it comes to fantasy books. I'm much less inclined to pick up just anything. But there's something wonderful about completely escaping the world I inhabit.

I'm sure I'll remember a dozen wonderful books, left off the list. There will probably be an addendum once I return home, scan the bookshelves and see favorites jumping off the shelves at me.

I bet you've wondered...

2007-03-07T19:53:00.000-05:00

...what Kouros has been up to, right?

He sits in cardboard boxes.

He reclines under the drying sections of his freshly cleaned commode.

And he steps in the crust of the tart I try to make for dinner.

So Many Thanks

2007-03-02T16:36:00.000-05:00

You're all so damn sweet! I have the best imaginary friends on the whole internets! Thanks for all the lovely wishes and congratulations. We're very excited. It's been a fun so far... well, other than the gas.

I am so excited by Hesira's post today. You need to go check it out. Remember when I tagged everyone to share beauty, both your own and those of the beautiful people you see every day? Hesira wrote about a young woman from one of her classes, and included a picture that just glows. It just made me so happy.

In that spirit I wanted to share a moment I had a couple of years ago. I watched the movie About Schmidt late one night, while I was alone. Kathy Bates plays something of a free spirit in the movie, and at one point decides to join Jack Nicholson in a hot tub, in the buff. She is, of course, perfectly comfortable, and he is not. At the time, I remember talk show hosts, morning radio idiots and all sorts of other geniuses making LOTS of jokes about a woman of Kathy Bates's size doing a nude scene. The thing is, the scene is not meant to be erotic or sexy or anything other than awkward. Yet, there are a couple of seconds in which the camera is behind Kathy Bates as she steps into the hot tub.

And I was shocked at how gorgeous she was. She was all round and pink and curves and suddenly all those Rubenesque women I've seen in paintings throughout history made sense. I felt like I'd broken through that current beauty ideal barrier to appreciate the beauty those painters saw and captured. I'm really thankful for that moment.

In the way of explanations...

2007-02-26T10:36:00.000-05:00

So tomorrow would have been my due date, had my pregnancy this summer gone to term.

Which is why it seems like a perfect time to tell you...

THIS TIME THERE'S SOMETHING IN THERE!!!

This ultrasound is from a month ago, and a 9-week embryo is a little lump of a baby, but it has a heartbeat, and we've heard it a couple of times, and everything seems to be going along well! I'm nearly 14 weeks, and I'm due August 29th.

So this is my reason for spotty posting, zero knitting and art content, and the general lack of anything interesting. I've spent a lot of the past month and a half on the couch. I truly have lost my ability to multitask. Usually I knit while watching tv, but since I've been pregnant, I can't manage much more than a little drooling while watching. If I knit, I have to concentrate totally on it or I screw up. Oil painting has been out of the question due to things like heavy metal pigments and icky solvents. And I've just been so bone tired. I'm starting to get some more energy back, though, and while I had a couple weeks of all day nausea, I was only sick once. All 48 oz of water for the ultrasound came back up. Obviously it still worked, but next time I won't bother with quite so much at a time. That much liquid wanting out all at once is pretty hard on a girl.

I'm sure as I progress I'll be more energetic and I might even have some interesting things to share. For the time being, I'm reading a lot, still trying to get back to MN before we have the baby, and getting lots of sleep. And the Sleepy-Voiced Husband and I have been enjoying finally being able to share our news with friends and family. We're both really excited!

The Birthday Post

2007-02-16T19:48:00.000-05:00

Disclaimer:
If you came here thinking there would be pictures, as I claimed in my last post, you've been misled. I couldn't figure out how to take images from all the home videos my Dad put on DVD for me. By the way, my Dad got a video camera in 1981! There is video of the 6-year-old Susan! There would also have been some rather embarrassing 16-year-old cheerleader photos. Sorry to disappoint. I'm just not that technological.

Happy Birthday to Me
Happy Birthday to ME
Happy Birthday, dear MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Happy Birthday to Me

So today I am 32. You know what seems weird about that? It's twice 16, and 16 is a big year, right? I was driving, I was finally allowed to go out on a date, all that sweet 16 stuff AND I was 16 on the 16th.

I was also kind of annoying at 16. I had that high school flair for the drama. I wore torn jeans. I was still half-heartedly attempting big hair. I was also ridiculously self-centered, and although I fancied myself very worldly and wise, I was painfully sheltered and green. All of these things are very normal for a 16 year old. But I don't get that Jack and Diane song about "hold onto 16 as long as you can" because I think I was somewhat relieved to gain the experience, knowledge and compassion of each following year.

So at 32, I think I'm twice as good as that little 16-year-old. She had potential, and she had a metabolism to die for, but I just like myself so much better now. That's what I celebrate every birthday- the older I get, the more I find to like about myself. That, and the cake. I think this is going to be a good year!

P.S. SVH, that wonderful man, got me a gift certificate to get lovely things like a massage and facial and stuff. I'm so excited!

Pssst...

2007-02-16T08:36:00.000-05:00

Hey- do you know what today is? If you sing me a song, I'll blow out some candles...

More (with pictures!) later!

SNOW DAY!

2007-02-14T14:20:00.000-05:00

The research station where we work almost NEVER closes. But... it's been snowing steadily since early last night. When we got up this morning, we'd gotten far more than it looked like, as we discovered trying to back out of our carport. We made it about 5 feet, and then had to pull back in. We realized that perhaps we should check and see if we even had to go in today... and hooray, the station was closed! We've gotten over a foot so far, with more still coming down.

Valentine's day is a great day to have a snow day. There's been snuggling and napping and other good stuff, as well as a new-to-me episode of MST3K on You-tube. I also find that a snow day is an excellent day to read all those Chronicles of Narnia books that I've never read (I only read The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe), so I've spent a little time with Prince Caspian. We may have to brave the snow for some dessert later, as that was something we planned to pick up on the way home from work, but otherwise we've been quite comfy and cozy.

And the biggest news is- I starting knitting something! I got a lovely sock pattern and yarn from my favorite mother-in-law this past Christmas. The pattern is Rainy Day, and the yarn is Austermann Step in Jeans. It's variegated denimy colors, and I'm surprised at how pretty it is knitted. I seem to have lost my ability to multitask, so I haven't done much knitting because I'm busy doing other things. Today, though, I had more time. I feel a bit fumbly, as I haven't knit in a month, but I think it'll be ok.

Unfortunately, my camera batteries won't hold much of a charge any longer, so I have no pictures of the snow. You'll just have to take my word for it. Have a great day, my lovelies!

Spring IK 2007

2007-02-13T14:59:00.000-05:00

We interrupt this drought in knitting content to bring you our commentary on the latest issue of Interweave Knits:

First of all, there's been a layout change. In the past, all pictures of the patterns appeared with the patterns themselves. In this issue, past the articles and just after the tutorial and accompanying patter, there is a section of full size photos of each design, similar to Vogue Knitting. This section is followed by the patterns, and there are lovely pictures with each pattern, too. Still, I preferred to have all the photos and patterns together. It's one of the things that bothered me about Vogue Knitting, and this layout is still better- I despise that there is NO picture anywhere near the pattern in Vogue- but personally, I liked it better the other way. Wah.

I like pretty much all of the designs. I don't know if I'm quite as in love as I was with the Winter issue, but it's pretty damn close. The photography is lovely, the colors all cool and springy, and it makes me want to look outside and see the pussy willows in bloom, not the 2 feet of snow we're supposed to get in the next 24 hours.

So, must I fall in love with everything Eunny Jang designs? This season, her tutorial is on entrelac and her pattern for the most delicious knee high entrelac socks is included in the issue. They are simply magnificent. I am one of those with shapely calves (just like Grumperina), and my only concern would be that the lovely entrelac pattern would be grossly misshapen once it reached said calves. Good for me that they're toe up, so perhaps, once I hit the calves, I could do something clever like go up a needle size or something to make them work.

I think I must say the same about Kate Gilbert as well. The Keyhole Top is just so cute and sassy, and has such lovely lines, it must be mine someday. Stefanie Japel has a lovely sweater in this time with interesting cables and a nice squarish neck (good for those of us with broad shoulders). I also like the Bonsai Tunic, although I'd probably forgo the tie, the Green Tea Raglan, and something in me, probably my inner 5-year-old-in-a-tutu, really likes the Swan Lake Cardigan. I'm not likely to make or wear it myself, but it's different and pretty. I like the Florentine Pillow a lot, too.

Definitely a good issue! And the online designs are all lingerie/boudoir pieces, so if you're up for some sexy little delicates, they've got 'em. My biggest problem right now is something, perhaps in the inks on the cover, makes Kouros want to attack and chew on it. I have to keep it hidden. The cover is full of little tooth marks and there are a couple of places where the background color is completely gone. Really, it's not from me drooling and licking it! Hope it's not toxic.

So What's The Skinny?

2007-02-09T13:03:00.000-05:00

I was reading this article from Newsweek on MSN over lunch today. The subject is why skinny models could be making us fat. The discrepancy between the beauty images we see daily and the faces and bodies we actually see in the mirror is one that I've spent countless hours pondering, discussing, and ranting about. Please excuse the poor grammar. This topic just gets my knickers in a twist.

So, first of all, there's the weight thing. There are many others who can address the subject far better than I. I'm lucky enough not to suffer from eating disorders, and I've never been a dieter. I've been fortunate enough that if I'm not happy with my weight, I add some exercise, skip a couple of Cokes, my pants fit better and I'm over it. I truly know the super-skinny models and celebrities are not the norm, and although I had to say that for a long time before I really understood and believed it, I do know it's true. I don't find most of them attractive- Nicole Richie scares the hell out of me. I really want to give Kiera Knightly a sandwich. Lindsay Lohan... well, best not to open that can of worms. There's a whole lot more going there than egg salad is going to solve.

I _have_ had that punched in the stomach feeling when you put on the outfit you've seen in the magazine or the catalog and it doesn't look even remotely like it looks on her. I _have_ had that feeling when I look at my cheekbones/neck/toes/whatever that there is something just not right about me/mine. It isn't just weight. These images can cause shame about any part of a woman's appearance.

You see, this article mentioned about how much photo-editing is done. Now I know what you can do with Photoshop, and I've long sighed at the thighs on those Victoria's Secret models- you know, the pictures were the thigh looks plastic and spray-painted, with extra shading clumsily added to remove any curve at all? We've heard about airbrushing in the past, but now? Sweet Jesus, they can do anything... and DO.

Not only are moles, acne and subtle facial hair erased from already pretty faces, but retouchers are routinely asked by editors and advertisers to enlarge eyes, trim normal-size ears, fill in hairlines, straighten teeth and lengthen the already-narrow necks, waists and legs of 18-year-old beauties. link

So our beauty ideal isn't even REAL! The actual models can't even hack it. THEY don't even look that "good." If you want to see it in action, go watch this film. It's by the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty and the Dove Self-Esteem Fund (btw, I think Dove's Pro-age ads are astoundingly beautiful!). That lovely woman in the movie barely resembles herself by the time her photo is on the billboard!

It took me so long to realize that there were things about my body that, starve or paint myself, were never going to change. I have a great big ribcage, and I looked far too sturdy compared to those waify models. Why didn't I look as slender as they did? I was thin, too. I have oily skin- and I couldn't figure out why my skin, although free from acne, didn't look like the velvety faces I saw in magazines. Those women didn't even have pores! And why was it that, despite my oval face shape, I looked round compared to the girls in ads? Was it the cheekbones you could slice cheese on that were missing? Or was it perhaps the dandilion stem neck that I didn't have? It took me years to realize that there was nothing I could do about these perceived flaws. I felt like maybe I wasn't trying hard enough or something.

It kills me that, beyond using very thin, very beautiful models, they are making changes to the shapes- the skeletons- and the features of these women once they're photographed, so that they become impossible beings.

I'm so upset by this and what it means for young girls. I thought the standard was high when I was a teenager, but some of those Teen Magazine models from my youth are positively stumpy compared with what we're seeing these days. And the article does mention that younger and younger girls are concerned about body image. I mean, 42% of first- third grade girls wanting to be thinner? WHAT?

But I've already seen it. My beautiful Gabriella, my godchild, my niece, who is all of 7 years old has a friend, Cammie. Cammie is built like a gazelle; she's tall with long skinny limbs. Gabby is of average height, and she's a slender, healthy girl. Half of my Gabby's genes come from New Mexico. She's probably going to have all the wonderful Latina curves to go along with her beautiful brown eyes, and she is going to be one hell of a knock-out. But Gabby has mentioned that she's not as skinny as Cammie. Gabby has mentioned that lots of boys like Cammie. Fortunately, Gabby still thinks boys are ridiculous and wants nothing to do with them. She's a confident little spitfire, but the point is, she has noticed. She sees the difference between her body and Cammie's.

Ugh. I've been typing on this rant for hours, and I simply have no idea how to wrap it all up. It just makes me so sad that fewer and fewer girls and women find themselves beautiful. I hate that, as media becomes more and more pervasive, the beauty standard has become completely fabricated. I really hate that, despite the fact that I'm a confident woman and I like the way I look, sometimes they still make me feel bad, too. Go check out the pro-age ads if you haven't already, and see how beautiful those women are. Look for the beauty in every woman and girl you see, and share it with those, young, impressionable minds.

In fact, see YOUR beauty, and share it with all of us. Write something, take a picture, draw, whatever you can think of- show us or tell us about what's beautiful about you. Consider yourselves ALL tagged on this one.

How Kouros Came To Be

2007-02-07T12:45:00.000-05:00

I don't think I ever told you the story of Kouros.

Carl and I decided we wanted a pet. We've both always been cat people, but several of our best friends are allergic to kitties. We finally decided, "Screw our friends! We want a cat!" We thought we would get a light-colored female, because on average, they tend to be less allergenic. We'd also wait until after we went home for Christmas. This was immediately after Thanksgiving in 2004.

The next day, I told my coworker Jenn that we had decided we were going to get a cat, and two days later she came in from getting her car fixed and summoned me to the headhouse. There was the scruffiest, saddest, mangiest kitten I'd ever seen. And he immediately scampered up to me and let me hold him. His eyes were all crusty, he didn't smell good, he had fleas, his breathing was a little wheezy... and it was too late. I was in love. It was a black male, and it was only December 3rd, and Carl reminded me of all of our previous decisions. But you don't ignore something like that, do you- 2 days after you decide to get a cat, a little lover of a kitten just falls into your lap?

Jenn said at the garage they had a new little black kitten. They said she was one of a litter that a stray had left behind the garage. They had taken the two sickliest in to the vet. One had to be put down, but this one, Sid, was going to make it and live in the garage because all the big burly mechanics were in love with her. They told Jenn that there were still two left, but they couldn't catch them. She went out to see them, and there was my Kouros, gnawing on a dried out turkey skeleton. And his last littermate was nearby, but had died. He wouldn't let the garage guys catch him, but he ran straight up to Jenn. Jenn volunteered with the SPCA and has rescued strays all her life. I think Kouros knew she was a friend. She said, "If you really want to save a life, this is it. He wouldn't make it through the weekend outside."

I took my boy to the vet the next day. He only weighed 3 pounds. Dr. Bob said he was a dead ringer for Feline Leukemia, with his runny eyes, and his respiratory problems. It was so cute- everyone in the office was so happy when the test came out negative! They were all rooting for him. Dr. Bob said, "Well, kitty, I guess you found yourself a sucker!"

So Kouros was flea dipped, given antibiotics, given an eye cream for conjunctivitis, and wormed. Did I mention his poor little belly was completely swollen with worms? He looked pregnant. I took him home, draped a sheet over my lap and brushed all the dead fleas out of his coat. He laid there, purring and looking at me like he had never been so in love. He was obsessed with grooming after that. I've never seen a cat bathe so much, and he's never stopped the meticulous cleaning. Later that night, Carl and I tried several names out on him, but none seemed to fit. I said, "He's just such a little boy, none of the names work!" And Carl came up with Kouros.

Over the next month or two, he got healthy enough to get his vaccinations. He didn't completely get over the worms, unfortunately, until May. MAY! He was wormed probably 5 times. He ended up with pneumonia that month, and with his short stay in the clinic, we finally saw the end of the worms. He's been totally healthy every since.

And he's become a fat, spoiled cat. At his vet appointment in January, he weighed 14 pounds. Last year, for the first time, he decided he may be interested in going outside. Before that, he never wanted to go out. He seemed completely happy to be inside, warm and clean. With his immune system, though, he's got to be an indoor cat.

He still likes to be in all those places he shouldn't.

More training

2007-02-05T13:14:00.000-05:00

So we had another brilliant training session at work last week. This time, it was conflict resolution. The good thing was we were bribed with breakfast treats like bagels, fruit and donuts. Determining our working styles was the interesting part of the training- we took a little quiz and came up with some numbers in different categories. My category was "expressive" and the moderator said this type tends to have a difficult time working in government because of all the rules and regulations. And ridiculous mandatory training sessions.

There was a lot of talking, and then we took another little quiz to find out which of the 5 conflict resolution strategies we like to use. Lame. Oh, and did I mention that this training was THREE HOURS LONG? By the end, I was a bit punchy. The presenter's mixed metaphors and confused platitudes began to grate. Fortunately the sugar crash after the donut I ate at the beginning was slowing me down, so I behaved myself. Until she mentioned that person who, in disagreements, "goes straight for the juggler."

Yes, she meant to say "jugular" but, no, there was absolutely no second "u" in her pronunciation. I had to bring my hand up to cover my smile and I tried very hard not to giggle. We were sitting at a long table and turned sideways, so I couldn't see the person sitting next to me, who happened to be Carl. That was a good thing, becuase I could see Fantastic Boss across the table, and seeing his reaction to Carl nearly made me lose it. Carl was subtly moving his hands like he was juggling, but the killer was he was following the imaginary balls with his eyes.

At least I got a donut.

Books books books

2007-01-28T16:37:00.000-05:00

I haven't been knitting. At all. Not a stitch. I think it's some sort of knitting malaise, and I'm sure I'll snap out of it eventually. But for know, I'm following my whims, and I'm not knitting even though I'm co-hosting a knit along. Slacker.

Instead, I've been reading voraciously. I hadn't been reading a whole lot recently because I always needed my eyes for other things. I listened to recorded books, but I only actually read before bed.

I had been reading The Green Knight by Iris Murdoch since Thanksgiving. I love her writing, but I read it rather slowly because it's dense. The copy I have has the most densely filled pages, too, of any book I've read before. I think maybe the margins are narrower and the typeface is small and more narrowly spaced between lines. I just finished it this morning.

I read The Other Boleyn Girl in about 5 days. That was a speedier read- much lighter fare. But it caught my fancy and I really enjoyed it. Especially since it spurred me on to read a bit more Tudor history and learn about Henry VII and his wives. Ok, I looked it up online. I didn't read any History books. But still.

This morning I started reading another purely candy book while in the bath. It's called Lirael by Garth Nix, and it's the second in a trilogy. I think they are young adult books that SVH discovered while working in a bookstore. They appeal (to me) in the same way the Harry Potter books appeal to me. The magic in this world is very different than anything I've read or seen in movies. It's a nice treat while I continue to process the Murdoch book I finished.

Lirael is SVH's book. When he saw it on the bathroom counter as I was running my bath, he said, "If you get that wet, I swear to Jebus ...." He loves his books. I'm a pro at reading in the tub, so I assured him it would be fine. Still, later, I couldn't help myself, and I called from the tub, "Carl? I was going to practice reading underwater. You don't mind, do you?" He came slamming into the bathroom, grabbed the book and stormed out. My man, he has excellent timing. I couldn't stop laughing. I think he scared the hell out of the cat. He came back in with the book and said, "Don't push me, woman."

Oooh - he's in the tub right now! Maybe I'll go dangle the book over him for a while.

Did I ever tell you...

2007-01-26T15:06:00.000-05:00

...about the time we had to go to a workplace violence training session? We weren't trained to be violent in the workplace, of course. We were being trained on ways to avoid violence in the workplace. The first suggestion of the video was not to hire people who were likely to become violent, which was my first clue that this video was meant for people who had control over things like HIRING and not for average employees like me.

The part of that meeting I was thinking of just now was the email announcing the training. It said "You are cordially invited, but required to attend, a training session blah blah blah." Don't you just love that one?

I won't go on too much about all the off-color comments made between myself (I was sitting in the very front, of course), Fantastic Boss, and my Sleepy-Voiced Coworker/Husband. We were particularly interested in whether violence between Carl and myself would qualify as workplace or domestic violence because we're married. Just in case you were wondering, domestic violence that spills over into the workplace is considered workplace violence. I realize this is a serious subject, but because this training made no attempt to separate what employees at different levels of authority could do, nearly all suggestions had nothing to do with what would be my response or role in such things. So I became a 10-year-old again and made jokes. Quietly. To the people next to me. And then try desperately not to laugh.

So after a long morning of stifling the giggles, the piece de resistance was when our safety coordinator announced that she was available for questions 24/7. Except weekends. And evenings. And holidays.

Ew

2007-01-22T16:52:00.000-05:00

Hi. Me again. Started off the week by vomiting spectacularly. I mostly slept and stared today.

Sometime, I'll start doing things to write about again. For now, about the most I'm capable of is reading The Other Boleyn Girl (nothing like a little tarted up historical fiction, eh?) and watching the DVDs of Firefly. Can anyone tell me why a show that good was canceled?

More when I feel better

2006 in Self-Absorbed Review

2007-01-17T15:27:00.000-05:00

Hi. You know what I don't do much anymore? Blog. But you knew that.

The past couple of weeks have been 100% gray. I have a bit of trouble with the short daylengths and cloudy days. I didn't really want to post about how I was doing nothing more than holding down the couch. I'm barely knitting. I'm working on a second fetching for a gift (LATE late Christmas gift) for my friend Nicole. But I've hardly even been interested in that. Much less the miles of fine knitting to be done on my Enid cardigan in GRAY when it was so bloody GRAY outside.

BUT! Today, in my narrow swatch of upstate NY the sky is completely blue and cloudless as far as I can see! It's sunny and lovely and I've a new spring in my step. I thought I'd finish a post I'd started last Friday (sorry). This is the 2006 Year-in-Review. I know, it's late for that kind of thing, but I think I could use a kick start.

Knitting (completed projects):
Harry Potter Scarf
Annouk
Homely Socks
Kitty Toys
Clapotis
Baby Yoda Sweater
Kitty Hat
Felted Bag - No pic - bad blogger
Jaywalker socks
Baby Pullover - No pic again - see jaywalker picture for pieces of the body
A single Fetching for me - You'll get pictures when you deserve them, dammit!

Knitting (incomplete projects):
Tempting - To the Frog Pond, Baby!

Art (completed projects):
Still Life in Color (pics later?)
Portrait of Steve
3 Women (did I ever show that one?)
Sets and backdrops for Pirates of Penzance
September Piece-a-Day project (Just look at all of Sept '06 and the first of Oct '06)
Backdrop for A Christmas Carol

Art (incomplete projects):
Still Life in Color - did you catch that? It's done, but I'm not happy with it. Must fix.
A lovely little oil of some squash that has nothing more than the underpainting
Portrait of Miranda - one of those from my class last spring that just never looked right
Wise Guys - A painting based on some of my Grandmother's pictures from the 20s and 30s. It doesn't even have the underpainting.

Additionally, I managed to plan an art show where I work, and snare a couple of awards for my artwork. Oh- and I started a blog about the creative work I do. Yes, I just linked to this blog. Delicious.

I feel better. When I'm sitting at work, I feel like I'm not making any progress toward an artistic career. This little strutting-of-my-stuff reminds me that I'm not as far back or inactive as I feel sometimes. Thanks for indulging. Love you!

Many random comments

2007-01-10T21:36:00.000-05:00

My cat snores.

I found out when he began snuggling and falling asleep with me, usually around 3 am. He stretches out his full length with his back to me and front paws up next to the top of my head and his head under my ear. It's maybe a bit more of a wheeze than a snore, but it's enough to wake me up.

In other news- I'm going to have to bite the bullet and go get a size 3 needle. I know, I know, I've already been through this. I even said my gauge problems were solved. But I was smoking crack or something. I think in order to make gauge with my #4 needle, I would be knitting so tightly I wouldn't enjoy the project. I'm not even knitting on my swatch because I know this #4 isn't working and I'm all crabby, so I'm totally stalled. Suck it up, soldier!

I'll go to the yarn shop tomorrow.

I made home-made mushroom soup tonight. Just for me. SVH hates mushrooms, so they're mine, all mine! Mwah hah hah hah! He made wild rice soup for himself, and he can have it, the nasty stuff.

In yet other news- I'm still polishing up my list of new year's resolutions. Yes, I make them, and yes, I take them seriously, but no, I don't feel they need to be solidified right away on the first of January. I've found if I take a little longer to think about them and decide, I actually keep them. I've got one that I've kept for 2 years solid now. But you can hear about that another day. Toodles!